It's 11:06 pm and while I am incredibly excited, I am writing this post with a heavy heart. I feel encouraged and enlightened, yet I am terrified. I am ready to jump out of the boat and into the sea, yet it feels as if I am bound by a million ropes holding me back. Fear is consuming me, yet my heart is willing. Let me elaborate.
My entire blog has been based off of my convictions and I have written as the Spirit has been moving in me. I never force a post. I have never sat at my computer, opened up my blog, and decided I needed to write a post because it has been a while and I am losing readers. Never. Yet the second my thoughts become too heavy, or I notice myself pushing my convictions away, I can see my entire post laid out in my mind, paragraph by paragraph. I hope my rambles have made sense to you and you have a found a way to apply them to your own lives. I just wanted you guys to know that. Anyways, no matter who you are, what you believe, or where you live, this one is about to hit home. I mean it.
I have noticed the Spirit stirring a new season in my life for about the past four months...actually well beyond that, it's just been impossible to ignore as of recently. If you read my blog, you know I struggle with materialism in more ways than one. I am sickened by the consumption of our nation, including myself. Tonight HGTV was doing a segment on decorating the White House for Christmas and I was so sad. The dollars upon dollars that are poured into this showcase and then a TV show covers it, while I am sure a homeless man is sleeping under a tree only a stones throw from the iron fence that surrounds the house's premises. I am deeply, deeply saddened by this, yet I do nothing. My heart yearns to help, though I do not. I am greedy and obsessed with the cycle of upward motion in the ladder of life. I can feel myself being broken of this and I am so glad. The question is...how?
So coming in second place next to Netflix ( I kid, guys), I totally love Jen Hatmaker. She is so incredibly real. I love it. I feel like religion can often cause us to embrace a set of rules while Jesus waits for us in the background, always waiting. Jefferon Bethke says it best in this video (which is seriously awesome): Churches have turned into a museum for the good people, rather than a hospital for the broken. I have been so turned off by religious people in my past, and I imagine many of you have been, as well. After I learned about the ignition of the fire set by Jesus Christ, my entire life changed and continues to change every single day. I can see this fire through Jen's words and I love it. Coincidently, I am currently reading Jen's book, Interrupted, and it is TOTALLY INTERRUPTING my life. The story is about God's interruption in her life and the turmoil that ensued. Her call to "feed the lambs" became quite real, and I can feel that desire within myself.
So begins this: Justice for the poor.
Yes.
If you live in the valley, have ever gotten off 81 headed into Staunton, Virginia, or really have ever seen a homeless person, then this applies to you.
I am so incredibly aware of everything I have and how much I have and am willing to give away, yet every single time I see these men I am skeptical. I could give them money, but....they'll probably buy booze or drugs, or they won't really appreciate it. So I just won't. In fact, I'll just drive past them and forget them in about 15 seconds. UGH! You can relate right? Or maybe you can't, in which case I commend you. So listen to this:
"This is what God taught me through Judas at Jesus' table, eating the broken bread that was His body: We don't get to opt out of living on mission because we might not be appreciated. We're not allowed to neglect the oppressed because we have reservations about their discernment. We cannot deny love because it might be despised or misunderstood. We can't withhold social relief because we're not convinced it will be perfectly managed. Must we be wise? Absolutely. But doing nothing is a blatant sin of omission. Turning a blind eye to the bottom on the grounds of "unworthiness" is the antithesis to Jesus' entire mission......Jesus came to the foulest, filthiest place possible (Earth), full of ungrateful, self-destructive people who would betray Him far more than they'd love Him (a whole planet of Judases). He broke His body for rich people who would curse Him the second their prosperity was endangered (that's us). He poured His blood out for those who would take His Word and use it as a bludgeoning tool. He became the offering for people who would slander His name with ferocity, yet His grace was theirs for the asking until they drew their last breaths, even if all they could offer Him was a lifetime of hatred and repentance." -Jen Hatmaker
...Whoa.
Proverbs 29:7 says, "The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern."
Yes, those with nothing (and those with everything) will take advantage of you, they will let you down, and some of them will be ungrateful, but more will accept your graciousness than turn it away. This is crazy, guys. This is Jesus. Straight up Jesus, the most beautiful, selfless human being to ever exist, yet he was rejected, just like the homeless man standing on the corner of 81 and 250. Rejected. Outcast. Judged by those with everything, yet denied the right of discernment.
Set religion aside and embrace Jesus like he has embraced us, the scum of the earth. To help others is to become broken, just as He was for us. I want to help, but I am afraid of where it may take me. Away from my family? Away from my things? Away from the United States?
Be open to letting the Spirit move. Don't shut Him out or ignore that stirring within your gut.
Embrace the actions of Jesus, and shed the robes of religion.
More of Him, less of me.
My prayer is that my spirit, as well as yours, will be more deeply afflicted than ever the next time I think, "But they'll only buy booze..."
And lastly, I leave you with a quote from Robert. Kennedy. I often make peace with myself when I do not act as I want to against areas that I am passionate about, such as social justice or food justice. I sometimes lie to myself and make myself believe that my one action alone is incapable to making any type of dent on the misery that is clouding our nation. If you ever feel like this, check it out:
"Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills - against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence...Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation...It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance." -Robert F. Kennedy
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
Satisfaction with Life Scale
Recently, my ability to over think the smallest of situations went into overdrive, but in a good way. I was working on a stats exam yesterday afternoon and one of the questions made me really upset, a little angry, and then just sad. It was the Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS) created by Ed Diener, Robert Emmons, Randy Larson, and Sharon Griffin. Why this was on my stats exam, I'm not sure, but if you haven't heard of it, check it out:
Below are five statements that you may agree or disagree with. Using the 1-7 scale below, indicate your agreement with each item by placing the appropriate number on the line preceding that item. Please be open and honest in your responding.
Below are five statements that you may agree or disagree with. Using the 1-7 scale below, indicate your agreement with each item by placing the appropriate number on the line preceding that item. Please be open and honest in your responding.
- 7 - Strongly agree
- 6 - Agree
- 5 - Slightly agree
- 4 - Neither agree nor disagree
- 3 - Slightly disagree
- 2 - Disagree
- 1 - Strongly disagree
1. In most ways, my life is close to ideal.
2. The conditions of my life are excellent.
3. I am satisfied with my life.
4. So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.
5. If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.
Add your answers up and see where you fall:
- 31-35 Extremely satisfied
- 26-30 Satisfied
- 21-25 Slightly satisfied
- 20 Neutral
- 15-19 Slightly dissatisfied
- 10-14 Dissatisfied
- 5-9 Extremely dissatisfied
That's it. My stomach was churning over this dumb thing, like I was really angry about this. Side note: I am an incredibly emotional, anxiety-ridden, short-fused person. When I start to feel things, like my stomach churning with rage, I have to stop and really boil down why I feel that way. So I did.
As I read each question, I didn't know how to respond with anything less than a 7. I mean I am an over thinker, and that's what happened here without a doubt, but in this instance I was thankful. How could I say that the conditions of my life are anything less than excellent? I was sitting in the App State computer lab looking at a 27-inch monitor in a warm room, and when I was done, I was going to walk back to my warm, furnished apartment and make a delicious meal with all of the ingredients in my fridge, and then I was going to lay in my huge, comfy bed and watch Netflix on my Mac. Privilege. This question deserved nothing less than a 7. When asked if my life was close to ideal, or if I was satisfied with my life, I had to think long and hard. I put 7's for these questions, as well. How can I not be satisfied?
Satisfaction:
a. The fulfillment or gratification of a desire, need, or appetite.
b. Pleasure or contentment derived from such gratification.
c. A source or means of gratification.
I'd say that satisfaction comes from the conditions of my life, which are above and beyond what I could ever need. If you do not feel satisfied, write about it. Pray about it. Make a list. You will find a way to feel satisfaction, guaranteed. I started to think about what satisfaction must mean to those in places where they are being persecuted for what they believe, and those who fall asleep hungry or cold, those who have been forced into human trafficking, and those who are completely alone,without hope, and without any resources to provide help. I was thinking about how they would answer these questions. Here in the US, I feel immense financial pressure. Satisfaction stems from money. Wrong. I was thinking about how I would feel if my survey were compared to someone from some third world country and how I would feel if they had put all 7's on their survey and I had put anything less. After I quickly ran through this scenario in my mind, my questions received all 7's.
One particular question really got me: So far I have gotten the important things I want in life...Um. If you read my blog, you know I struggle with want and material desire. I think a lot of the pressure that we feel comes from this idea of want. We want so many things that we can never truly be satisfied. We are trying to fill a hole that can't be filled by all of the things that we want.
I have learned something huge since I moved to Boone: it isn't about what I want. My whole life I have prayed for things like, "God, please keep us safe on this car ride. God, please help me make it through grad school. God, please keep me and my loved ones healthy and safe. God, please don't let this happen or God, please don't let that happen." I have a new prayer. My prayer is that God will work how He sees best fit, which ultimately He will. It may not be what I want, and the results may be devastating, but I have to be okay with that. He knows what is best for me and I take great comfort in that. When I realize all of these things, I can feel the pressure melt away. It will never be about what I want, and thank God, really. I am only human and relying on myself, or anyone else, or material needs will always leave me wanting. I'm tired of wanting. I am deeply satisfied with the conditions of my life and the comfort that I find through Jesus Christ.
Overriding selfishness and self desire takes work. I mean constant work. It goes against human nature and it is HARD. I'm a firm believer that self-reflection is crucial. I recognize that maybe my thought process was a little different from others when taking this survey, but I think it's necessary.
Readers, I hope you feel comfort and I hope you feel satisfaction. Sometimes we get clouded by all of the things that are going on in our lives, I know. Sift through the fog of worry, doubt, and fear and recognize all that we have. Forgive those who are hurting you and it will set you free. Look past everything that is weighing you down and realize the immense satisfaction that you have been blessed with. Lying underneath of it all is hope and new found joy in the simple things.
Now go make a sandwich or order some takeout. It's lunchtime and I'm hungry, so I'm going to eat because I can. Here's to 7's all around, people.
Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Friday, November 29, 2013
Catching Fire to the Blackest of Fridays
I used to love Black Friday. Yeah, I know there are some "awesome" deals out there, but now the whole idea has me feeling sad and a little sick.
The day I got home from Boone the TV was on and a few commercials came on that stirred this empty feeling inside of me. Maybe it's because I don't have cable in Boone, so it had been awhile since I had seen a commercial. I wasn't numb to the 30 second messages being blasted through the TV screen, but I was kind of thinking about them a lot. One Target commercial had changed the chorus in a Christmas song from "Fa la la la la, la la la la," to "Shop shop shop shop shop, shop shop shop shop." Ew. Immediately following this commercial, a Golden Corral commercial advertised their chocolate fountain as being, "One of the seven wonders of the world." We have become a society that thrives off of materialism and indulgence. More is always better...but is it actually?
To make ideas more real to me, I like to apply them to situations that hit home. What's real to me right now: Catching Fire. *If you haven't read the Hunger Games series or seen the new movie, go do it.* I was thinking about how we have been designed to be consumers since the day we were born. Companies specialize in targeting just the right audience so that they can be more profitable and they are really, really good at it. Generally, we're a little unaware of it or we just don't care. Our capital system fuels a desire within us to get up at 2 am the day after Thanksgiving to go wait in line and fight with someone over a TV that is marked down a hundred bucks. Awesome. It's ironic really. We spend a whole day being thankful for all we have only to wake up in the morning wanting more. I was thinking about how Katniss takes small steps to rebel against the capital and create hope within the surrounding districts. If we were to ignore all of the Black Friday hype and celebrate the things we already have, how cool would that be? Think of all the people who wouldn't have to go into work to fuel the flame that we, as a people, have turned into a roaring fire. Black Friday started at Walmart yesterday at some ridiculous hour like 5 pm. Some people haven't eaten Thanksgiving dinner by this time. Some people won't eat anything at all! But all we can think about is getting that deal. This is sad, guys. My heart is breaking for what we have become. We have fallen into the materialistic marketing ploys, and all for what? That's what I'm really interested in...I'm just wondering what it's all for.
I'm sitting here thinking about my Amazon wish list. I would really love a smart TV so that I can do mindless tasks on my computer AND watch Netflix. I feel like this is something that I need. This makes me so sad. I don't want to be someone who always wants.
Thankfully, I don't have any money to spend, but what if I did? I hope I wouldn't have been among the masses lined up at all of the surrounding stores. I don't want to be defined by my stuff. If my house burnt down, I don't want my passions and my biggest joys to be within my things. They're just things. I don't need one more sweater marked down to ten dollars, I already have ten, which is nine more than I could ever need. I don't need more stuff. People who woke up with nothing today didn't wake up and think, "Hey, I'm going to go hit the Black Friday sales." They couldn't. They probably woke up sad, hungry, and maybe lonely. Yet many of us woke up with everything we could ever need and decided we wanted even more.
Today, I encourage you to count the blessings you already have. Put your passions and love into something that won't burn with a house fire. Less really is more. When you die, your wardrobe, your car, your house, and your stuff isn't coming with you. It's temporary. Stuff ties you down. Large amounts of money poured into any one item makes it more valuable than it ever should be. How nice would it be to just walk out the door with everything you own in a backpack? I couldn't do it, but it sure is awesome to think about. Invest in love. Invest in people. Invest in those who have nothing. We live in a country that uses fountains for beauty while other countries travel miles to a clean water source. Be thankful for the small things. We are blessed with running, clean water, warm houses, and plenty of food that could feed a small army.
More is less, don't forget it. It's a daily challenge. Everything in this world tells us that this isn't true and more is always better. I disagree. A friend on twitter today had some awesome hashtags:
#happybuynothingday
#downwithmaterialism
#downwithconsumerism
And lastly,
Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Friday, November 15, 2013
Everyone Needs A Figther
Need a fighter?
Or be one.
God is doing some crazy things in my life right now. I think it's pretty fascinating to look back at my spiritual journey over the past few months. It reminds me of some ideas Jen Hatmaker touches on in 7 (seriously read this book). I completely removed myself from everything that was comfortable to me, and through doing that, it allowed more room for Jesus to move. I needed change and I needed to create more space within myself so that I could grow.
More of Him, less of me.
With that being said, God has really had it on my heart to pray. I mean serious, intentional prayer. I tend to give God the tiny 5% that I have left at the end of the day when I talk to Him. Also, I tend to pray for myself and the needs that are most important to me. I pray for the safety and health of Kyle, my family, and my friends. I pray that I will make it through grad school without failing out. Generally, I'm a pretty selfish person...and I recognize that (sometimes).
You guys, God is so big and more majestic than we can even comprehend. For me to quickly speak with Him before I fall asleep just doesn't even give Him the glory He deserves. I have started praying out loud in my apartment during times of the day when my tank isn't running on empty. I've become more intentional in the content of my prayers, as well. Rather than praying for my desires and what I want, I need to pray about what God thinks is best. My idea of how I want things to go can be SO different of His idea and His plan. I'm learning to accept that and to allow Him to move how He sees fit.
Also, you know how everyone is always like, "I'll pray for you?" For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a recovering flake. Seriously. I have suffered from serious flake-itis and I am making some serious improvements in changing this about myself. When I say I'm going to pray for you, I need to actually do it. I don't want the powerful act of prayer to be an empty promise that I hand out to others. This week, I intentionally prayed for specific situations every single day. This is something I am really, really, really, working at.
Lastly, since I moved to Boone, God has completely shown me how to be a fighter for someone else. Both emotionally and spiritually. I can recall one of my deepest, darkest memories from when I had just recently made the decision to seek after Christ again. I wasn't 100% there yet. God hadn't completely broken me down yet. I look at the miraculous ways God was fighting for me in that specific situation and I am so incredibly grateful. He had his hand on so many terrible situations that protected me and I didn't even want Him to. Wow. How crazy, right?
So, with that being said, God had my back through it all, but I never had a human, flesh and bones fighter. Nobody really knew the extent of my spiritual battle. I desired to live in both the light and the dark, which I now know is impossible. Sometimes I still feel myself wanting to revert back into those old behaviors. I didn't have a specific person fighting for me. I was completely alone in my struggle, for the most part. I also didn't know what it meant to truly fight for someone...until now.
I'm going to get a little cliche and say that everyone needs that peanut butter to their jelly, or that icing to their cupcake, that horizon to their sky, or maybe even...the Mario to their Luigi.
Hehe, no but seriously. I have understood deep, true friendship, but what God is teaching me now is different. I have learned how to truly spiritually invest into another human being and to fight for them. I'm not talking about physical fighting, but hey I'd throw a punch for my peeps. I'm talking broken, on my knees, praying and pleading with God for a friend. I have never prayed like this for another human being. Ever. This realization slapped me in the face yesterday.
We are broken people called to serve and to love others. I mean seriously love in the way that Jesus loved us. Yes, I recognize that amount of unconditional love is physically impossible for human capacity, but we can try.
My prayer is that you guys have someone fighting for you. I recognize that we all struggle with different things. Maybe some of you are suffering from physical pain, or grief, or hopelessness. God has your back, but I hope you have a loved one that does too.
Be a fighter, guys. Spiritual warfare is waging all around us. This terrifies me, but also gives me peace. We are constantly being fought for. We are that loved.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Help pick someone up. Everyone needs a fighter.
Or be one.
God is doing some crazy things in my life right now. I think it's pretty fascinating to look back at my spiritual journey over the past few months. It reminds me of some ideas Jen Hatmaker touches on in 7 (seriously read this book). I completely removed myself from everything that was comfortable to me, and through doing that, it allowed more room for Jesus to move. I needed change and I needed to create more space within myself so that I could grow.
More of Him, less of me.
With that being said, God has really had it on my heart to pray. I mean serious, intentional prayer. I tend to give God the tiny 5% that I have left at the end of the day when I talk to Him. Also, I tend to pray for myself and the needs that are most important to me. I pray for the safety and health of Kyle, my family, and my friends. I pray that I will make it through grad school without failing out. Generally, I'm a pretty selfish person...and I recognize that (sometimes).
You guys, God is so big and more majestic than we can even comprehend. For me to quickly speak with Him before I fall asleep just doesn't even give Him the glory He deserves. I have started praying out loud in my apartment during times of the day when my tank isn't running on empty. I've become more intentional in the content of my prayers, as well. Rather than praying for my desires and what I want, I need to pray about what God thinks is best. My idea of how I want things to go can be SO different of His idea and His plan. I'm learning to accept that and to allow Him to move how He sees fit.
Also, you know how everyone is always like, "I'll pray for you?" For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a recovering flake. Seriously. I have suffered from serious flake-itis and I am making some serious improvements in changing this about myself. When I say I'm going to pray for you, I need to actually do it. I don't want the powerful act of prayer to be an empty promise that I hand out to others. This week, I intentionally prayed for specific situations every single day. This is something I am really, really, really, working at.
Lastly, since I moved to Boone, God has completely shown me how to be a fighter for someone else. Both emotionally and spiritually. I can recall one of my deepest, darkest memories from when I had just recently made the decision to seek after Christ again. I wasn't 100% there yet. God hadn't completely broken me down yet. I look at the miraculous ways God was fighting for me in that specific situation and I am so incredibly grateful. He had his hand on so many terrible situations that protected me and I didn't even want Him to. Wow. How crazy, right?
So, with that being said, God had my back through it all, but I never had a human, flesh and bones fighter. Nobody really knew the extent of my spiritual battle. I desired to live in both the light and the dark, which I now know is impossible. Sometimes I still feel myself wanting to revert back into those old behaviors. I didn't have a specific person fighting for me. I was completely alone in my struggle, for the most part. I also didn't know what it meant to truly fight for someone...until now.
I'm going to get a little cliche and say that everyone needs that peanut butter to their jelly, or that icing to their cupcake, that horizon to their sky, or maybe even...the Mario to their Luigi.
Hehe, no but seriously. I have understood deep, true friendship, but what God is teaching me now is different. I have learned how to truly spiritually invest into another human being and to fight for them. I'm not talking about physical fighting, but hey I'd throw a punch for my peeps. I'm talking broken, on my knees, praying and pleading with God for a friend. I have never prayed like this for another human being. Ever. This realization slapped me in the face yesterday.
We are broken people called to serve and to love others. I mean seriously love in the way that Jesus loved us. Yes, I recognize that amount of unconditional love is physically impossible for human capacity, but we can try.
My prayer is that you guys have someone fighting for you. I recognize that we all struggle with different things. Maybe some of you are suffering from physical pain, or grief, or hopelessness. God has your back, but I hope you have a loved one that does too.
Be a fighter, guys. Spiritual warfare is waging all around us. This terrifies me, but also gives me peace. We are constantly being fought for. We are that loved.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Help pick someone up. Everyone needs a fighter.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Check Yo Self.
Alright, I know my writing has slowed down, but grad school is kicking my butt. I took an exam yesterday and I have a brief break until I have a literature review due on Wednesday...*sigh*.
Why did I come to grad school again?
Okay so anyways, I have to share something. Last weekend my dad visited me and we went hiking. Though I do not doubt the rumors that Winter in Boone is miserable (my apartment is a cozy 45 degrees right now), Fall in Boone is stupid pretty. I mean seriously breathtaking. I am humbled every single day by God's beauty when I walk down Stadium Drive (my mini mountain) and I see the mountains looming over Appalachian's campus. I mean I am so serious. Living in the valley was absolutely gorgeous, but living on the actual mountain has a whole new perspective. Visit me, people.
Check it out. This is what I see when I walk down to class every morning:
This overlook, Howard's Knob, which sits right above the grocery store I shop at. People run to the top of it (because they're insane). I could be there in 3 minutes if I wanted to go right now (driving of course). It overlooks App and I just think it's amazing. Check it out:
Lastly, this image is from the parkway this past weekend. My dad and I took the parkway on the way home from hiking and we couldn't help but stop to take a picture.
I mean that is just miles, and miles, and miles of beauty. I can't help but think of how creative God is when I look at these images. My dad and I got into an interesting conversation about the nature of children while we were hiking. Most kids operate through instant gratification. They can't comprehend how they literally can do nothing themselves, though they don't see it that way. Appreciation for all the beauty that surrounds us doesn't come until later in life, that usually includes appreciation for our parents, as well. I hated hiking when I was a kid. I didn't care about beautiful views. So what. I thought hiking was hard and it made me sweat and there were bugs. I needed immediate instant gratification. I didn't want to hike 3 miles to some view. Now, I love these views. I feel so tiny and I love it. All of the man-made features of the world melt away and I can truly see the raw, first-hand product of God's beauty. What a gift. It's humbling. This idea of children being so incredibly reliant on their parents for every single need should be an illustration of our encounters with God. When we grow out of that stage with our parents, we have to put that reliance on someone new. Pray about it. It's hard not to think we can fix everything all on our own. That is probably one of my greatest struggles.
So, listen to this.
STORY TIME.
This morning I randomly woke up around 5:45 am. I always sleep straight through the night, so it was kind of weird. I was wide awake, which was also weird because I went to bed at like 2 am last night. This incredibly strange rustling/clicking noise was coming from the oven and it was totally freaking me out (I have an electric oven, not gas, calm down friends. I am not dying of carbon monoxide poisoning....yes I googled why ovens make random clicking noises). So I got up to check it out and it would stop every time I would get up. I was pretty freaked out...mostly because I thought there was a squirrel or some other type of small animal rustling around in my oven. I am now assuming my apartment is so freakishly cold that my oven was just having muscle spasms...let's go with that.
Amidst my panic attack I checked my Facebook on my phone. Clearly this has calming potential. I had a message from a reader whom I had never met before. I hope she is okay with me sharing this, but she shared me some incredibly kind thoughts about the impact of my blog. It brought tears to my eyes. She encouraged me to keep writing and to keep on seeking Him with an honest heart, so I have to be honest.
My first thought was not to share this on my blog, but that I couldn't wait to tell my mom, my boyfriend, my friends...blah blah blah. Pride just started to consume me in this really awful way and I didn't even realize it. All of a sudden, my oven started getting louder and this really odd feeling came over me that I needed to pray. I talked to God about my pride and how sorry I was that I took those kind words all onto myself. I can be so self-centered. Immediately after I prayed the clicking stopped and I fell back asleep until...now. When I woke up was when I realized that I wanted this to be a blog entry, not a story to my friends about how influential my words are.
Just last week I was so humbled by God's beauty on the parkway...how quickly I forgot! I need to be humbled every single day because I will let pride consume me 100%. Sometimes I give myself all the credit and I can just feel myself doing it. During the early hours of this morning God gave me an incredibly needed reminder.
We are broken and we can't do this all on our own...well I'm definitely broken. Maybe you don't think you are...yet, and that's so okay. It took me a while to understand how broken I was and obviously, by the nature of my posts, well you can see how I still forget every single day.
We all fall short by our own strength.
Ephesians 2:8-10
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Why did I come to grad school again?
Okay so anyways, I have to share something. Last weekend my dad visited me and we went hiking. Though I do not doubt the rumors that Winter in Boone is miserable (my apartment is a cozy 45 degrees right now), Fall in Boone is stupid pretty. I mean seriously breathtaking. I am humbled every single day by God's beauty when I walk down Stadium Drive (my mini mountain) and I see the mountains looming over Appalachian's campus. I mean I am so serious. Living in the valley was absolutely gorgeous, but living on the actual mountain has a whole new perspective. Visit me, people.
Check it out. This is what I see when I walk down to class every morning:
So, listen to this.
STORY TIME.
This morning I randomly woke up around 5:45 am. I always sleep straight through the night, so it was kind of weird. I was wide awake, which was also weird because I went to bed at like 2 am last night. This incredibly strange rustling/clicking noise was coming from the oven and it was totally freaking me out (I have an electric oven, not gas, calm down friends. I am not dying of carbon monoxide poisoning....yes I googled why ovens make random clicking noises). So I got up to check it out and it would stop every time I would get up. I was pretty freaked out...mostly because I thought there was a squirrel or some other type of small animal rustling around in my oven. I am now assuming my apartment is so freakishly cold that my oven was just having muscle spasms...let's go with that.
Amidst my panic attack I checked my Facebook on my phone. Clearly this has calming potential. I had a message from a reader whom I had never met before. I hope she is okay with me sharing this, but she shared me some incredibly kind thoughts about the impact of my blog. It brought tears to my eyes. She encouraged me to keep writing and to keep on seeking Him with an honest heart, so I have to be honest.
My first thought was not to share this on my blog, but that I couldn't wait to tell my mom, my boyfriend, my friends...blah blah blah. Pride just started to consume me in this really awful way and I didn't even realize it. All of a sudden, my oven started getting louder and this really odd feeling came over me that I needed to pray. I talked to God about my pride and how sorry I was that I took those kind words all onto myself. I can be so self-centered. Immediately after I prayed the clicking stopped and I fell back asleep until...now. When I woke up was when I realized that I wanted this to be a blog entry, not a story to my friends about how influential my words are.
Just last week I was so humbled by God's beauty on the parkway...how quickly I forgot! I need to be humbled every single day because I will let pride consume me 100%. Sometimes I give myself all the credit and I can just feel myself doing it. During the early hours of this morning God gave me an incredibly needed reminder.
We are broken and we can't do this all on our own...well I'm definitely broken. Maybe you don't think you are...yet, and that's so okay. It took me a while to understand how broken I was and obviously, by the nature of my posts, well you can see how I still forget every single day.
We all fall short by our own strength.
Ephesians 2:8-10
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Where My Planners At?
It's been awhile. My thoughts are all over the place tonight, but I will make an attempt to streamline them.
I am a planner. When I wake up in the morning, I know exactly what I am going to make for each meal that day. I know exactly where I need to be, my phone will begin reminding me I need to be there hours before, and I will arrive between 10 to 15 minutes early. It's what I do. I don't like vague plans and when people are late I am irritated. Very irritated.
Sometimes my obsession with detail and organization gets in the way of my ability to see the big picture. I see it in numerous areas of my life. I get angry when others temper with my schedule and I want to hyperventilate when I think about being late. I just seem to think I have it all figured out, like my plans are etched in stone and there is no going back. Tonight I feel extra burdened by my type A mentality.
I look back on some parts of my life where I was just living. Structure to my plans was limited. I didn't care where I ended up and I found myself in some incredibly dire situations. Looking back now I am so thankful that some of those situations didn't have a different ending, that I made it out without too many scars, and that I worked my way out of it. I needed serious saving. Some of those memories still make my stomach roll with fear and sadness. Sometimes I think about those scenarios working out in a different way and I thank God that they did not. I needed saving, but I didn't ask for it. I was so lost, but I felt like I didn't need to find a way out. I was pulled out of those circumstances by the most divine of interventions. I can recall hopeless situations that have no other answer to why they ended the way they did, but because God was taking care of me.
This whole idea struck me hard the other day. I live a different life now, but I still find it hard to fully put my trust in Jesus. I have a game plan. I'm working towards my Master's degree so that I can achieve x, y, z. Whatever. Sometimes Jesus breaks me down and I'm like, "What am I doing here? How am I serving you, Lord?" We can all be used right we are, but that's not what I am trying to say in this post. Situations where I wasn't trusting God at all, He still came through for me. Now, I look at areas that I am so hesitant to give up to Him, and I just don't know why. He gave everything for me. Literally He gave His only son. Who does that? I think it's easy to become numb to the idea that Jesus died for our sins. The magnitude of this is so intense, so incredibly intense. If you pause and just think about why someone would do that for you, it's heavy. It's easy to hear this over and over and over and over and not truly recognize how large this act was each time it's heard. I struggle with this. When I was attempting to find Jesus again my sophomore year of college, I used to watch this video.
It's old, but I rediscovered it again the other day. It's so comforting to imagine this personal relationship with Jesus...I mean that's what it is. I may be a planner, but I am so safe putting my trust in Christ. Setting my plans in stone with Him is the best decision I've ever made. When I don't put my trust in Him, I am choosing myself over Him. I struggle with this daily. This song always gives me a reality check. The lyrics have a way of shrinking my head and breaking my heart. I need that.
Ripping control out of my clenched fist is no easy task. My prayer is that God will chisel that part of me away little by little each day.
This journey is no easy stroll through the park, but nobody every said it would be.
Less of me, more of Him.
Lamentations 3:22-26
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
I am a planner. When I wake up in the morning, I know exactly what I am going to make for each meal that day. I know exactly where I need to be, my phone will begin reminding me I need to be there hours before, and I will arrive between 10 to 15 minutes early. It's what I do. I don't like vague plans and when people are late I am irritated. Very irritated.
Sometimes my obsession with detail and organization gets in the way of my ability to see the big picture. I see it in numerous areas of my life. I get angry when others temper with my schedule and I want to hyperventilate when I think about being late. I just seem to think I have it all figured out, like my plans are etched in stone and there is no going back. Tonight I feel extra burdened by my type A mentality.
I look back on some parts of my life where I was just living. Structure to my plans was limited. I didn't care where I ended up and I found myself in some incredibly dire situations. Looking back now I am so thankful that some of those situations didn't have a different ending, that I made it out without too many scars, and that I worked my way out of it. I needed serious saving. Some of those memories still make my stomach roll with fear and sadness. Sometimes I think about those scenarios working out in a different way and I thank God that they did not. I needed saving, but I didn't ask for it. I was so lost, but I felt like I didn't need to find a way out. I was pulled out of those circumstances by the most divine of interventions. I can recall hopeless situations that have no other answer to why they ended the way they did, but because God was taking care of me.
This whole idea struck me hard the other day. I live a different life now, but I still find it hard to fully put my trust in Jesus. I have a game plan. I'm working towards my Master's degree so that I can achieve x, y, z. Whatever. Sometimes Jesus breaks me down and I'm like, "What am I doing here? How am I serving you, Lord?" We can all be used right we are, but that's not what I am trying to say in this post. Situations where I wasn't trusting God at all, He still came through for me. Now, I look at areas that I am so hesitant to give up to Him, and I just don't know why. He gave everything for me. Literally He gave His only son. Who does that? I think it's easy to become numb to the idea that Jesus died for our sins. The magnitude of this is so intense, so incredibly intense. If you pause and just think about why someone would do that for you, it's heavy. It's easy to hear this over and over and over and over and not truly recognize how large this act was each time it's heard. I struggle with this. When I was attempting to find Jesus again my sophomore year of college, I used to watch this video.
Ripping control out of my clenched fist is no easy task. My prayer is that God will chisel that part of me away little by little each day.
This journey is no easy stroll through the park, but nobody every said it would be.
Less of me, more of Him.
Lamentations 3:22-26
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Home
I am finally home for a few short days. Nothing can replace home. I won't lie, I cried a little when I got off on the Staunton/Fishersville exit. I already know that once Monday morning comes I will not want to leave. I have only been here since Tuesday afternoon, but I have a couple of things to share.
1. The water pressure here is wonderful. AND I can raise my arms above my head when I take a shower and not hit the ceiling. I took that for granted, so I'll enjoy it while I'm here visiting.
2. Last night I gave my testimony to the Staunton Alliance youth group during their Refuge meeting time. I have been feeling so called towards youth. I feel for these kids. My prayer is that they will understand how incredibly important it is to establish their identity in Christ now, before college rocks them with trials and challenges they never anticipated. I shared with them how I, fortunately, had a solid foundation under me and I truly did know Christ before I began college. I just got so caught up in sin that I lost my way for a long time. I never doubted He wasn't real, or that His word wasn't true, I just didn't want to listen and I didn't know how to find my way out of my vicious cycle of sin.
For those of you who think you know me, you're about to really know me. I recorded my testimony last night, but I have chosen not to post it on my blog. I believe that it is God's testimony and not my own, so I hope that it impacts you in some way.
I was raised in the church and I truly knew Christ. I had a relationship with Him, truly. I found myself being sexually impure, and getting high and drunk often. It was fun. This progressed through my sophomore year and one night I hit rock bottom. I specifically remember sitting in my dorm and just sobbing and Kelly coming in to check on me. It is so cool to think about how God was fighting for me that whole time. He never once turned away from me, He was just waiting for me to listen. I finally listened, but it took awhile for me to get to know Him again. Not long after, I met a guy that God strategically put in my life to save me, in a sense. We met under incredibly sinful circumstances, but he was in the same place as me, though I would say he was a little more spiritually mature than I was at the time. I saw God work through him and I began restoring my long broken relationship with Christ again. I don't know that I could have done this alone at that point in my life. God was looking out for me when I was introduced to that guy. Together we grew and it was so cool. I learned what a christian relationship was designed to be. I learned about boundaries and how incredibly important intentionality is when physical touch cannot be the number one love language. It was so hard for me, but I learned so much. We parted ways and I continued through college still struggling, though I had gained my sight for Jesus back. I struggled with wanting to revert back into old behaviors, actually reverting back into old behaviors, and controlling my language. I began dating my first boyfriend that I ever had, like ever, and he became (and still is) such a spiritual leader to me. I can see God's character and how much He truly loves me through Kyle. It is one of my greatest blessings and I let him know every day. This past summer and since I moved to Boone, my relationship with my savior has only grown. The more I fall in love with Jesus, the less I think about the "rules" of christianity. Worship through my actions, words, and thoughts becomes more natural. This is how it was designed to be, people. Falling in love with God, rather than just believing he exists, is the only way to truly experience Him. If you have doubts and fears, that is so natural, but once you truly get to know Him, your life will be forever changed. You'll never want to go back.
I just want these middle and high school students to embrace this! Ah, I just can't emphasize it enough. How do you tell a 16-year-old that Jesus is it. Look no further, He is all you will ever need. He is the beginning and the end and our time here is so temporary. Most of what we do here on Earth amounts to nothing. How do you tell them that seeking after God is more important than their relationship, or their PS2, or impressing their friends, or being popular, or making the Varsity team? I just don't know. They have to experience it. They have to figure it out themselves, we all do. I just pray that they don't have to find Him the way I did. He is there and He is waiting. If you search for Him, you will find Him.
I don't know what you guys are struggling with today, or what's going in your life. I was so grateful by the feedback that I got from the youth and the leaders about my testimony. So many Christians have biblical knowledge, but lack that relationship with Christ. Sometimes we're afraid to admit that. It's like Christians have to maintain some "perfect" act when they're around other Christians, or anybody. Let's be honest...we're all humans here. We all are subject to sucking. We all struggle. Being real with others allows God to move through our stories and our struggles. You never know who may be having similar struggles. Transparency is so incredibly important, guys. It really is. Recently every one in my small group shared their testimonies and it really grew us. Knowing people's struggles and fears makes them more real. It's amazing.
I am so excited about whatever God is going to do in the live's of the youth who were at Refuge on Wednesday night. He was thinking about all of us when this earth was just darkness. That's so comforting to me, and I hope it is to you, as well. That's how much you're loved. If you're interested in hearing the audio of my talk last night, shoot me an email and I'll hook you up.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plan I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
1. The water pressure here is wonderful. AND I can raise my arms above my head when I take a shower and not hit the ceiling. I took that for granted, so I'll enjoy it while I'm here visiting.
2. Last night I gave my testimony to the Staunton Alliance youth group during their Refuge meeting time. I have been feeling so called towards youth. I feel for these kids. My prayer is that they will understand how incredibly important it is to establish their identity in Christ now, before college rocks them with trials and challenges they never anticipated. I shared with them how I, fortunately, had a solid foundation under me and I truly did know Christ before I began college. I just got so caught up in sin that I lost my way for a long time. I never doubted He wasn't real, or that His word wasn't true, I just didn't want to listen and I didn't know how to find my way out of my vicious cycle of sin.
For those of you who think you know me, you're about to really know me. I recorded my testimony last night, but I have chosen not to post it on my blog. I believe that it is God's testimony and not my own, so I hope that it impacts you in some way.
I was raised in the church and I truly knew Christ. I had a relationship with Him, truly. I found myself being sexually impure, and getting high and drunk often. It was fun. This progressed through my sophomore year and one night I hit rock bottom. I specifically remember sitting in my dorm and just sobbing and Kelly coming in to check on me. It is so cool to think about how God was fighting for me that whole time. He never once turned away from me, He was just waiting for me to listen. I finally listened, but it took awhile for me to get to know Him again. Not long after, I met a guy that God strategically put in my life to save me, in a sense. We met under incredibly sinful circumstances, but he was in the same place as me, though I would say he was a little more spiritually mature than I was at the time. I saw God work through him and I began restoring my long broken relationship with Christ again. I don't know that I could have done this alone at that point in my life. God was looking out for me when I was introduced to that guy. Together we grew and it was so cool. I learned what a christian relationship was designed to be. I learned about boundaries and how incredibly important intentionality is when physical touch cannot be the number one love language. It was so hard for me, but I learned so much. We parted ways and I continued through college still struggling, though I had gained my sight for Jesus back. I struggled with wanting to revert back into old behaviors, actually reverting back into old behaviors, and controlling my language. I began dating my first boyfriend that I ever had, like ever, and he became (and still is) such a spiritual leader to me. I can see God's character and how much He truly loves me through Kyle. It is one of my greatest blessings and I let him know every day. This past summer and since I moved to Boone, my relationship with my savior has only grown. The more I fall in love with Jesus, the less I think about the "rules" of christianity. Worship through my actions, words, and thoughts becomes more natural. This is how it was designed to be, people. Falling in love with God, rather than just believing he exists, is the only way to truly experience Him. If you have doubts and fears, that is so natural, but once you truly get to know Him, your life will be forever changed. You'll never want to go back.
I just want these middle and high school students to embrace this! Ah, I just can't emphasize it enough. How do you tell a 16-year-old that Jesus is it. Look no further, He is all you will ever need. He is the beginning and the end and our time here is so temporary. Most of what we do here on Earth amounts to nothing. How do you tell them that seeking after God is more important than their relationship, or their PS2, or impressing their friends, or being popular, or making the Varsity team? I just don't know. They have to experience it. They have to figure it out themselves, we all do. I just pray that they don't have to find Him the way I did. He is there and He is waiting. If you search for Him, you will find Him.
I don't know what you guys are struggling with today, or what's going in your life. I was so grateful by the feedback that I got from the youth and the leaders about my testimony. So many Christians have biblical knowledge, but lack that relationship with Christ. Sometimes we're afraid to admit that. It's like Christians have to maintain some "perfect" act when they're around other Christians, or anybody. Let's be honest...we're all humans here. We all are subject to sucking. We all struggle. Being real with others allows God to move through our stories and our struggles. You never know who may be having similar struggles. Transparency is so incredibly important, guys. It really is. Recently every one in my small group shared their testimonies and it really grew us. Knowing people's struggles and fears makes them more real. It's amazing.
I am so excited about whatever God is going to do in the live's of the youth who were at Refuge on Wednesday night. He was thinking about all of us when this earth was just darkness. That's so comforting to me, and I hope it is to you, as well. That's how much you're loved. If you're interested in hearing the audio of my talk last night, shoot me an email and I'll hook you up.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plan I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Friday, October 11, 2013
Roll with the Punches
Stress /stres/ (noun) - a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. synonyms: strain, pressure, nervous tension, worry, anxiety, trouble, difficulty.
Exams. Deadlines. Self-image. Self-worth. Work. Kids. Relationships. Money. Addiction. Cancer. Sickness. Loneliness. Fear.
Insert whatever you want.
Everyone carries a different burden that comes with a different type of stress. Everyone has their own way of coping. Differences create diversity, and that's great, but maybe our views need to change.
We all know that person who stresses over every. little. thing. The person who has an anxiety attack over their philosophy exam the next day, the person who got a parking ticket and their world has come to a standstill, or the person who got scolded by their boss and they will now hate him or her forever, no exceptions. We get so worked up about the little things, we hold grudges, and we compete with other people about who has more going on in their lives. It's a natural instinct for most of us to just freak out when things start to get hard, or don't go as we planned. Often times this deflects on to the people we love. Stress gets in the way of indulging in small things that bring happiness, or it just gets in the way of joy in general. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Ugh...if this one thing wasn't going on right now, then I would be able to fully enjoy this moment."
I have a friend that God strategically put into my life when I moved to Boone. I met her at my bible study and she has continually given me new perspective on life. She has been heavy, heavy, heavy on my heart the past 36 hours. Two nights ago a close friend of hers passed away. His name was Dylan and he was only 17-years-old. He had been in a tough battle with Leukemia and other health related issues and he lost his battle to a severe heart attack. Watch this video to see his story. Seriously.
Last night Caroline and I were sitting in my car at her apartment complex and she was talking to me about Dylan, and how joyful and happy he always was, regardless of the chemo, regardless of the pain, regardless of the fear. Everyone who met him felt like they knew him forever. He had a knack for making people feel welcome. This boy began his fight with cancer at a young age and never knew "normalcy" the way that other adolescents and teenagers did. A few nights ago he had just been talking to Caroline about how pumped he was to go to his high school prom. Wow. How quickly life can change. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. We are so temporary. I can't imagine what Caroline, or his many other loved ones are going through. This is a heavy burden, one that makes a small quiz look like an anthill in comparison to a castle.
Caroline said something in particular that really impacted me.
"If Dylan could find joy through everything he was going through, so can I."
What a cool way to think about it. She told me about how two nights ago, when things were incredibly fresh, and the shock of it all was just setting in, she started to make a list of 10 blessings in her life. Tonight she was able to tell me how incredibly blessed she was and how much she had to be thankful for. I hope that I would have this same attitude after losing one of my closest friends. When things are rough, and darkness seems to surround you, give this a shot. Make a list of 10 blessings in your life. Don't make it about self-pity, don't make it about you, it isn't about you. Don't let your stress, whatever that may be, negatively impact others who love you and hate to see you hurt. Make it what you will, it truly is your decision. But if you could chose happiness over any other feeling, wouldn't you?
James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
When your hope is set in Christ, all outlooks change. Hold on to these verses. Some stresses in life are just 90 million times harder than others, but they will pass, all things do. Nothing of this world is permanent, which may sound wonderful to some of you, though incredibly scary to others. Things that are light-years better than our greatest earthly treasure are yet to come.
Today will you let the little things decide the fate of your day or will you roll with the punches and make lemonade out of lemons? Don't allow your burdens to become your idols. Things aren't going to go our way. It isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies all of the time. That's just reality.
I hope Dylan's story impacts you, as well as Caroline's unique outlook. Death is no easy issue, but her hope in Christ is incredible. Her outlook amidst this situation is inspiring.
Thinking about the end is hard, but it's inevitable. What kind of impression will you leave on others? Be the person people want to gravitate towards. Remember all that you have been blessed with. Choose to be the person who pushes through the small things, bigger burdens are to come, guaranteed, but with hard times come periods of growth and renewal.
Reach out to those whose struggles are so vast and consuming. This is no competition. We're all stressed and carrying different burdens, but someone is ready to help carry yours.
Roll with the punches and keep moving forward, you never know how your actions will influence someone else.
Exams. Deadlines. Self-image. Self-worth. Work. Kids. Relationships. Money. Addiction. Cancer. Sickness. Loneliness. Fear.
Insert whatever you want.
Everyone carries a different burden that comes with a different type of stress. Everyone has their own way of coping. Differences create diversity, and that's great, but maybe our views need to change.
We all know that person who stresses over every. little. thing. The person who has an anxiety attack over their philosophy exam the next day, the person who got a parking ticket and their world has come to a standstill, or the person who got scolded by their boss and they will now hate him or her forever, no exceptions. We get so worked up about the little things, we hold grudges, and we compete with other people about who has more going on in their lives. It's a natural instinct for most of us to just freak out when things start to get hard, or don't go as we planned. Often times this deflects on to the people we love. Stress gets in the way of indulging in small things that bring happiness, or it just gets in the way of joy in general. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Ugh...if this one thing wasn't going on right now, then I would be able to fully enjoy this moment."
I have a friend that God strategically put into my life when I moved to Boone. I met her at my bible study and she has continually given me new perspective on life. She has been heavy, heavy, heavy on my heart the past 36 hours. Two nights ago a close friend of hers passed away. His name was Dylan and he was only 17-years-old. He had been in a tough battle with Leukemia and other health related issues and he lost his battle to a severe heart attack. Watch this video to see his story. Seriously.
Last night Caroline and I were sitting in my car at her apartment complex and she was talking to me about Dylan, and how joyful and happy he always was, regardless of the chemo, regardless of the pain, regardless of the fear. Everyone who met him felt like they knew him forever. He had a knack for making people feel welcome. This boy began his fight with cancer at a young age and never knew "normalcy" the way that other adolescents and teenagers did. A few nights ago he had just been talking to Caroline about how pumped he was to go to his high school prom. Wow. How quickly life can change. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. We are so temporary. I can't imagine what Caroline, or his many other loved ones are going through. This is a heavy burden, one that makes a small quiz look like an anthill in comparison to a castle.
Caroline said something in particular that really impacted me.
"If Dylan could find joy through everything he was going through, so can I."
What a cool way to think about it. She told me about how two nights ago, when things were incredibly fresh, and the shock of it all was just setting in, she started to make a list of 10 blessings in her life. Tonight she was able to tell me how incredibly blessed she was and how much she had to be thankful for. I hope that I would have this same attitude after losing one of my closest friends. When things are rough, and darkness seems to surround you, give this a shot. Make a list of 10 blessings in your life. Don't make it about self-pity, don't make it about you, it isn't about you. Don't let your stress, whatever that may be, negatively impact others who love you and hate to see you hurt. Make it what you will, it truly is your decision. But if you could chose happiness over any other feeling, wouldn't you?
James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
When your hope is set in Christ, all outlooks change. Hold on to these verses. Some stresses in life are just 90 million times harder than others, but they will pass, all things do. Nothing of this world is permanent, which may sound wonderful to some of you, though incredibly scary to others. Things that are light-years better than our greatest earthly treasure are yet to come.
Today will you let the little things decide the fate of your day or will you roll with the punches and make lemonade out of lemons? Don't allow your burdens to become your idols. Things aren't going to go our way. It isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies all of the time. That's just reality.
I hope Dylan's story impacts you, as well as Caroline's unique outlook. Death is no easy issue, but her hope in Christ is incredible. Her outlook amidst this situation is inspiring.
Thinking about the end is hard, but it's inevitable. What kind of impression will you leave on others? Be the person people want to gravitate towards. Remember all that you have been blessed with. Choose to be the person who pushes through the small things, bigger burdens are to come, guaranteed, but with hard times come periods of growth and renewal.
Reach out to those whose struggles are so vast and consuming. This is no competition. We're all stressed and carrying different burdens, but someone is ready to help carry yours.
Roll with the punches and keep moving forward, you never know how your actions will influence someone else.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Wait...How Did This Happen?
I miss Adelaide and Madelynn. A lot. I babysat them during my time at JMU. The Scotts became family to me...then I moved. Boone has been an adjustment, but I love it. I am becoming established with a new family here and we are in the process of adjusting. The previous babysitter babysat these girls since they were born. They are 7 and 9 now. I realize that I have big shoes to fill, and I am honored to be second-in-command new babysitter. I cannot imagine the process of choosing a new sitter as a mother. As a babysitter, finding a family you mesh well with can also be difficult. My babysitting experience is quite extensive, though tonight threw me a curve ball.
Around bedtime Austin came down with a stomach ache. The whole evening had been great. Everyone was well-behaved and happy. The instant it was time to crawl into bed, panic slowly started to set in. I told Austin it was okay to tell me if she just missed her parents, rather than saying her stomach was hurting. She called her dad in tears and I felt like I could relate to her. I have no idea if her stomach was hurting or not, but I remember that feeling as a child. I always loved when Cassie and I had babysitters growing up, though I remember never liking when my parents were gone for bedtime. I never felt that same protection from a babysitter that I felt from my parents. Nothing ever seemed like it could replace that comfort of my mom and dad just being there.
Nights that I would put Adelaide to bed she would scream for her mom, but we would be best friends during the day. Austin had a great time with me today, but bedtime felt scary to her. I laid with her and told her how much I miss my parents every single day. I told her to close her eyes and her stomachache would go away. She would close her eyes and then her breathing would start to quicken. As she panicked I would calm her down with soft words again. I laid with her until her breathing got heavy and she fell asleep. Making the stealthy, get-out-of-bed-without-making-a-single-noise move is incredibly difficult. The idea of waking the child that took an hour to fall asleep is terrifying. It took me a good 15 minutes to finally make the move and scamper out of the room. So stealthy. Ninja style, really. This must be a skill that moms develop, because I find it terrifying.
When I was laying there I was thinking about how weird it was. When you're small you always just assume your parents will be there to check for the monsters in your closet. Even in Harrisonburg my parents were so close. They felt so involved in my life and I brought a lot of my problems to them and sought their advice on mostly everything. They knew when I had exams and what I was doing. In that moment when I was comforting Austin tonight I felt different. I fall asleep by myself. In my little studio apartment. I check my own closet for monsters, except when Kyle is here. Then he does it. I am so completely dead serious it isn't even funny. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!
Boone has taught me a lot in my short time here. I'm on my own. I pay bills, I go to grad school, I get my oil changed, I talk to my car insurance agent, I buy stamps. These are adult things, people. It's funny how we just have to accept new roles as life progresses. It isn't like it's an intentional change, it just kind of happens. Somehow you assume new responsibilities and it all happens fairly naturally. Tonight I was the comforter and no longer the comfort-ee. I'm okay with that. I have a different type of comfort now.
Transition is weird, but I like it when I consciously notice that it's taking place, like I did tonight. It has a way of slowing down time. Everything happens so quickly. In retrospect, times you think will never end are gone in an instant, like my undergraduate career. While I am impatient for some parts of my life to begin, I am so satisfied just being here. I am finding myself wondering what Jamie 10 years from now will think of this post. Who know what will be going on, but I am positive things will be so different than they are now. New molds will be created and I will naturally fill them. We all do it. We have to.
Here's to new roles. They happen so naturally and perfectly.
We were made to do this.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Welcome to the Best Day of Your Life
Beware: What I am about to tell you is going to blow your mind. Regardless of what my blog may illustrate, I am a stressed out and incredibly anxious human being. I encourage simplification and the need to slow down and not worry about the small things, but these things are so hard for me to do, and I will assume you can probably relate. We're human. Right now I have a knot in my stomach the size of the universe (maybe not that big) because I have a bioenergetics exam on Tuesday, I am leading journal club in my research class next Monday, and I am speaking at a youth group on the 16th...like. Oh my gosh. I'm freaking out. I'm seriously freaking out.
This morning this wave of panic hit me abruptly at church. It was during worship and I started thinking about my massive list of things that I have to do. We all have massive lists. There is just not enough time in the day. False. There is the perfect amount of time in a day. So we're worshiping and I'm freaking out and an image like this was on the background of the song lyrics:
I started thinking about how nice it must be to be this man. He's on top of a mountain with no distractions in the midst of a beautiful sunset, or sunrise, in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Based on this image, I would say this guy doesn't have a care in the world. This soothed me. I instantly felt relaxed. I was able to enjoy that moment and not worry about my laundry list.
1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Yes, yes I will gladly do that. I am overwhelmed and I don't know about you, but I think anxiety sucks. I'm so thankful that I stopped that anxious feeling in my stomach this morning before it turned into a consuming, fiery inferno. When I let my stress and my fears take control I turn into an absolute train wreck.
Yes, I have a lot to do between now and Fall Break (Yay! Fishersville, here I come!!)
Yes, it will be a lot of work, but there is no doubt that it will all get done.
No, I do not have to feel that heavy lump of stress in my stomach all week, or experience the headaches that come with it.
This week is going to be awesome. I'm going to do fine on my bioenergetics exam. App has a football game on Saturday, and it's fall in Boone. If you don't know what that looks like or why it's awesome, come check it out. I am so thankful the consuming nature of my stress was revealed to me this morning.
Cast all your anxiety on him.
Welcome to the best day of your life, people.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Filthy Rich
I love Wednesday. I can wake up whenever I want and drink my coffee in bed while I read a book. Life as a graduate student is rough, people. No but really, I don't have class until 3:30 and after drinking my delicious coffee I will be listening to recorded lectures of Dr. Morris talking about bioenergetics while I frantically "draw" the incredibly complex process of glycolysis on my whiteboard. I still love Wednesdays.
This morning I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I am working through this book with my bible study and I have loved it. This morning's reading got me thinking (weird). Think = blog. So here I am.
Have you ever thought about how seriously rich you are? I mean really. If you are reading this post from your Mac, PC, iPhone, Android, whatever, then you are more fortunate than most. Francis Chan gave a nice visual to me this morning: If 100 people represented the world's population, 53 of them would live on less than $2 a day. If you make $4,000 a month you make one hundred times more than the average person on this planet. I mean I spent $10 on this book, which is what some people make in a week. Wow.
Which is more messed up - that we have so much compared to everyone else, or that we don't think we're rich?
I call myself broke and poor all the time, but then I look around and I feel absolutely ridiculous for ever uttering those words. I literally cannot fit one more item of clothing into my closet, yet I still have another full closet of clothes back in Virginia. Ew. This disgusts me. I have a refrigerator exploding with fresh produce and cabinets full of delicious food, yet I eat out for about half of my meals every week. I am able to get in my car and go where I like (mostly) because I have a car that passes inspection and I can afford to put gas in it. I could go on, but wow, how can I ever call myself poor? This is extravagant compared to many, yet this is normalcy. I want more. I want to buy more, I want to go more places, I want to travel here and do this or that.
I always find myself wanting.
For a long time I have felt stuck in this cycle of want and material needs. I used to be a shopaholic (seriously it was bad). I prayed so long to rid myself of that desire to always want new things. About 75% of my clothes are purchased second hand now, though they are still clothes I just don't need. When I shop now I find myself experiencing this strange feeling. It's an ache that just isn't satisfied with the endless cycle of stuff anymore, yet I still crave it. I'm stuck between these two ideals. I feel so pulled both ways. I am thankful for this feeling of conviction every time I start to buy something that I absolutely do not need. Like how last weekend I carried around these super cute bright pink Patagonia flats at Mast General Store because they were 40% off. 40% off gets me every time. I walked around with them for at least 30 minutes. Kyle came to the rescue and we had a discussion about the other 30 pairs of shoes I already own, and while the shoes are cute, I just do not need them. Three years ago I wouldn't have even thought twice. Two years ago I maybe would have thought once, but probably still would have bought them.
Anyways, the point is, I want to be more of a giver and less of a consumer. I feel burdened by how much I have sometimes. Our culture demands consumption and preaches that more is always better. Children are learning about this from the day they are born. It makes me so sad. I have a hard enough time navigating through the fog of this world, I can't imagine trying to navigate a child through it.
Find satisfaction outside of your stuff. Seek simplicity, and do not worry. Financial stress is just not worth it and it is so temporary. If you're reading this, you are rich in some way. There are so many ways we can simplify to just make life easier. The rich are blessed, though wealth comes with a burden. Break the cycle of desire and want for material things. Find a way to give back. I'm working on that last point. I feel so convicted to serve and to give. I'm working on it.
There is something we can all be thankful for today.
Find satisfaction through simplification.
Where do your treasures lie, readers?
This morning I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I am working through this book with my bible study and I have loved it. This morning's reading got me thinking (weird). Think = blog. So here I am.
Have you ever thought about how seriously rich you are? I mean really. If you are reading this post from your Mac, PC, iPhone, Android, whatever, then you are more fortunate than most. Francis Chan gave a nice visual to me this morning: If 100 people represented the world's population, 53 of them would live on less than $2 a day. If you make $4,000 a month you make one hundred times more than the average person on this planet. I mean I spent $10 on this book, which is what some people make in a week. Wow.
Which is more messed up - that we have so much compared to everyone else, or that we don't think we're rich?
I call myself broke and poor all the time, but then I look around and I feel absolutely ridiculous for ever uttering those words. I literally cannot fit one more item of clothing into my closet, yet I still have another full closet of clothes back in Virginia. Ew. This disgusts me. I have a refrigerator exploding with fresh produce and cabinets full of delicious food, yet I eat out for about half of my meals every week. I am able to get in my car and go where I like (mostly) because I have a car that passes inspection and I can afford to put gas in it. I could go on, but wow, how can I ever call myself poor? This is extravagant compared to many, yet this is normalcy. I want more. I want to buy more, I want to go more places, I want to travel here and do this or that.
I always find myself wanting.
For a long time I have felt stuck in this cycle of want and material needs. I used to be a shopaholic (seriously it was bad). I prayed so long to rid myself of that desire to always want new things. About 75% of my clothes are purchased second hand now, though they are still clothes I just don't need. When I shop now I find myself experiencing this strange feeling. It's an ache that just isn't satisfied with the endless cycle of stuff anymore, yet I still crave it. I'm stuck between these two ideals. I feel so pulled both ways. I am thankful for this feeling of conviction every time I start to buy something that I absolutely do not need. Like how last weekend I carried around these super cute bright pink Patagonia flats at Mast General Store because they were 40% off. 40% off gets me every time. I walked around with them for at least 30 minutes. Kyle came to the rescue and we had a discussion about the other 30 pairs of shoes I already own, and while the shoes are cute, I just do not need them. Three years ago I wouldn't have even thought twice. Two years ago I maybe would have thought once, but probably still would have bought them.
Anyways, the point is, I want to be more of a giver and less of a consumer. I feel burdened by how much I have sometimes. Our culture demands consumption and preaches that more is always better. Children are learning about this from the day they are born. It makes me so sad. I have a hard enough time navigating through the fog of this world, I can't imagine trying to navigate a child through it.
Find satisfaction outside of your stuff. Seek simplicity, and do not worry. Financial stress is just not worth it and it is so temporary. If you're reading this, you are rich in some way. There are so many ways we can simplify to just make life easier. The rich are blessed, though wealth comes with a burden. Break the cycle of desire and want for material things. Find a way to give back. I'm working on that last point. I feel so convicted to serve and to give. I'm working on it.
There is something we can all be thankful for today.
Find satisfaction through simplification.
Where do your treasures lie, readers?
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Predestined
So I visited Kyle this weekend. I enjoy coming to Radford so much, but my favorite day is Sunday by far. Kyle goes to the best church I have ever been to in my whole entire life. It's called Valley Bible. Bret Johnson has been doing a series out of Ephesians and oh. my. gosh. This guy is so young, but has such a skill to speak with so much conviction and hope. It is amazing. Anyways, the sermon today punched me in the stomach and knocked me on the ground. It hit me so hard. It rolled over me like a tsunami wave. I'm actually still processing it, but while it's fresh I just want to share some of the points. I promise this is worth reading. Hang with me, please.
The sermon was out of Ephesians 1:3-6 (How in the heck can you give a 90 minute sermon on 3 verses you ask? Right?! Crazy). The entire sermon encompassed the idea of God's great love, which I struggle with. I have an incredibly hard time grasping how much God loves me, which I think is a common struggle among christians.
Anyways, Bret began by speaking about how God chose us. He knew he would create a world that would become absolutely grimy and corrupt with sin, but he did it anyways. He sees us for who we are and he is not repulsed. He actually wants us. God is propelling all of existence and nothing is by chance. Wow. This leads to the idea of predestination. Hot topic word, but it's simple really. Before time, God had a will and a destiny for us. He predestined us to be adopted as part of his family. He pursued us (and is still pursuing us) and has this awesome plan for us and for the world.
Bret explained it with this analogy:
We've all been to a surprise party. Someone organizes this awesome event because they love someone. They get them the best presents, which they know they will love. They invite all of the people that person enjoys and cares about. Everyone is tip-toeing around trying to keep this party a surprise because they love that person. When we love people we like to do nice things for them. The event may be expensive, but totally worth it.
So imagine this: Before the world was ever in existence, there was only vast, dark, nothingness, God says to Jesus, "Hey, listen. I'm going to fashion this world and you, you will show them who I am and then rescue them. It isn't going to be easy. They will hate you and ridicule you, but you will save them. Once they crucify you and you die, they will receive the greatest gift. It'll be expensive, but it is so worth it." Jesus nods.
WHAT?! How incredibly selfless. God did not create us out of some need for himself. He wasn't feeling inadequate. He is perfectly satisfied in himself, yet he chose us. Why. We are so totally hopeless outside of God's pursuit. There is absolutely nothing that can separate us from his perfect will. God didn't create this world and get to the point where humans discover sin and be like....crap. Well...what do I do now? How do I save these people? This plan was decided from the very beginning. That is so crazy to me. I can get lost in the idea just thinking about it. I mean, really, it's just so cool. He loves us so much and that's that. It's love. Simple.
This was such a selfless act. So incredibly selfless. Why can we not be this way towards others? Why are we so quick to anger or so quickly offended? We are so accepted by Christ. Nothing we can do is too big to be forgiven. Nobody is capable of anything that his love cannot wash away. Why can't I accept others more easily? Imperfections and all. Why am I so selective of who I let in? As Christians we are called to love everyone like Jesus did. Everyone. We get so caught up in the rules of the American church. I just don't think that's what it's all about. I think that once we comprehend how much God loves us, and what He did for us, then it becomes easier for us to love others, as well. Stop judging everyone around you. Everyone has struggles and demons that they're battling. Help them. Experience selflessness.
It is just not our place to be the appraiser of our worth. That is the role of God. He defines our worth. Yes, we are so not deserving, but that is just not up to us. God's grace and perseverance is truly beautiful. Doubt and fear are so natural, but thankfully these feelings don't save us. Don't let it hinder your intimacy with Him.
There is so much hope in the darkness of this world, just believe. It's such a quick, life altering decision. It's life or death. Join the family, He loves you more than any earthly being will ever be able to.
He is the rescuer, and that my friends, is beautiful.
If you're interested in hearing Bret's other sermons or this one in particular, check it out here. Those are my thoughts for today. Thank God for renewal.
The sermon was out of Ephesians 1:3-6 (How in the heck can you give a 90 minute sermon on 3 verses you ask? Right?! Crazy). The entire sermon encompassed the idea of God's great love, which I struggle with. I have an incredibly hard time grasping how much God loves me, which I think is a common struggle among christians.
Anyways, Bret began by speaking about how God chose us. He knew he would create a world that would become absolutely grimy and corrupt with sin, but he did it anyways. He sees us for who we are and he is not repulsed. He actually wants us. God is propelling all of existence and nothing is by chance. Wow. This leads to the idea of predestination. Hot topic word, but it's simple really. Before time, God had a will and a destiny for us. He predestined us to be adopted as part of his family. He pursued us (and is still pursuing us) and has this awesome plan for us and for the world.
Bret explained it with this analogy:
We've all been to a surprise party. Someone organizes this awesome event because they love someone. They get them the best presents, which they know they will love. They invite all of the people that person enjoys and cares about. Everyone is tip-toeing around trying to keep this party a surprise because they love that person. When we love people we like to do nice things for them. The event may be expensive, but totally worth it.
So imagine this: Before the world was ever in existence, there was only vast, dark, nothingness, God says to Jesus, "Hey, listen. I'm going to fashion this world and you, you will show them who I am and then rescue them. It isn't going to be easy. They will hate you and ridicule you, but you will save them. Once they crucify you and you die, they will receive the greatest gift. It'll be expensive, but it is so worth it." Jesus nods.
WHAT?! How incredibly selfless. God did not create us out of some need for himself. He wasn't feeling inadequate. He is perfectly satisfied in himself, yet he chose us. Why. We are so totally hopeless outside of God's pursuit. There is absolutely nothing that can separate us from his perfect will. God didn't create this world and get to the point where humans discover sin and be like....crap. Well...what do I do now? How do I save these people? This plan was decided from the very beginning. That is so crazy to me. I can get lost in the idea just thinking about it. I mean, really, it's just so cool. He loves us so much and that's that. It's love. Simple.
This was such a selfless act. So incredibly selfless. Why can we not be this way towards others? Why are we so quick to anger or so quickly offended? We are so accepted by Christ. Nothing we can do is too big to be forgiven. Nobody is capable of anything that his love cannot wash away. Why can't I accept others more easily? Imperfections and all. Why am I so selective of who I let in? As Christians we are called to love everyone like Jesus did. Everyone. We get so caught up in the rules of the American church. I just don't think that's what it's all about. I think that once we comprehend how much God loves us, and what He did for us, then it becomes easier for us to love others, as well. Stop judging everyone around you. Everyone has struggles and demons that they're battling. Help them. Experience selflessness.
It is just not our place to be the appraiser of our worth. That is the role of God. He defines our worth. Yes, we are so not deserving, but that is just not up to us. God's grace and perseverance is truly beautiful. Doubt and fear are so natural, but thankfully these feelings don't save us. Don't let it hinder your intimacy with Him.
There is so much hope in the darkness of this world, just believe. It's such a quick, life altering decision. It's life or death. Join the family, He loves you more than any earthly being will ever be able to.
He is the rescuer, and that my friends, is beautiful.
If you're interested in hearing Bret's other sermons or this one in particular, check it out here. Those are my thoughts for today. Thank God for renewal.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Can't Go Back Now
Back when I moved to Boone, seven-ish weeks ago, I had this intense desire to just sit on my couch in the family room at home while my mom "cooked" dinner (sorry, mom), my dad watched football, and Cassie did her homework at the kitchen table. I felt so homesick for those days when I had nothing to do. I wanted to crawl inside of the memory of coming home after tennis practice in high school and just sitting on the couch, texting my friends with nothing of real importance to do.
The feeling passed after the first couple of weeks, but on Sunday I felt it again. Kyle and I were trying out a new church, The Heart. The service was held in the auditorium of Watauga High School. I sat there and imagined what the hundreds of students must feel when they are sitting in that very room. I thought of what I felt when I was in their shoes.
I remember how much I wanted to be older. I remember feeling annoyed with high school and feeling so ready to move on, which I was. I remember that I was mostly carefree, though I didn't think so at the time (what a joke). I ache for those memories now, but then I remember other things about those days, as well.
Although I do miss the days before college and graduate school, I don't think you could pay me to go back. I don't miss that feeling of insecurity, or that feeling of thinking the world would end if I didn't like the outfit I chose to wear to school that day (but really, that feeling does suck, you know what I mean). I don't miss caring so much about what everyone around me thought or said. I am thankful for the confidence I have acquired throughout the years, and I would not trade that for the feeling of having no real responsibilities. Besides, I didn't appreciate that feeling when I had it anyways. Yes, the responsibilities have grown. Between remembering to pay my credit card bill, my car insurance payment, get my oil changed, go to class, print this slide off for class, babysit on this day, pick up paper towels and new sponges from the store, oops I forgot this or that, swiffer the kitchen floor, don't let solid food go down the drain because I don't have a garbage disposal, trash goes out on Thursday night, blah blah blah blah blah the list goes on. But I'm okay with that list. It's not so bad, it's pretty manageable really. It's just a part of growing up and moving forward, and with that come new responsibilities and adventures that are fun and exciting, like moving to a new place.
I absolutely love those moments of nostalgia that hit me out of nowhere, but I am so happy right where I am. Kyle and I were making dinner the other night and this song by The Weepies came on Pandora. He told me to listen because it reminded him of this very conversation. He was right.
Walk on, people.
Go where you want to go.
Wherever you are, be all there.
Don't wish it all away too early.
The present time is everything, enjoy it.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Called Out
I finished Jen Hatmaker's book, 7. This book has deeply stirred something inside of me that has been sitting there, mostly unaddressed, for years. Courses in my undergraduate career led me to questions about excess, materialism, indulgence, service, environmentalism, and how all of these things connect. I feel educated on these topics, though education and knowledge are not always enough. Now that I have finished this book, I feel...called out. And I like it.
Let me explain.
Readers, I'm not sure where you are right now. I don't know what makes you tick, or what drives you. I don't know if you have a spiritual relationship with Christ, or if you're looking for one. Maybe you're drawn to God, but you don't like his followers, and I understand that. As the Stark household would state it, "People suck." I am so guilty of sucking EVERY SINGLE DAY. What do I do? How am I serving others? How am I serving the community or making myself available to help? This is something that I do not have a ton of experience with, though I am ready to do more.
I always thought that my faith alone was enough. I am growing past this idea, which is exciting to me. I want to serve. I don't want to be someone who is too busy to provide a helping hand. Pause. I have always been that person that is too busy. I have always been the person who makes plans with everyone, or won't commit to plans, and has to flake last minute (I am so sorry, Kel). Boone has caused me to slow down. This book fell into my hands at a perfect time. I live alone. I do not have a job. I go to class and then my days are free. This schedule has had me twitching since I got here because I have never had so much spare time. Maybe Netflix isn't the best way to invest my 7 hours of free time. Maybe? Slowing my life down is making me see things more clearly and I like it. I'm rambling now so I just want to share this one thing. If you have not, will not, or do not care about ever reading this book, I am going to sum it up right here:
Let me explain.
Readers, I'm not sure where you are right now. I don't know what makes you tick, or what drives you. I don't know if you have a spiritual relationship with Christ, or if you're looking for one. Maybe you're drawn to God, but you don't like his followers, and I understand that. As the Stark household would state it, "People suck." I am so guilty of sucking EVERY SINGLE DAY. What do I do? How am I serving others? How am I serving the community or making myself available to help? This is something that I do not have a ton of experience with, though I am ready to do more.
I always thought that my faith alone was enough. I am growing past this idea, which is exciting to me. I want to serve. I don't want to be someone who is too busy to provide a helping hand. Pause. I have always been that person that is too busy. I have always been the person who makes plans with everyone, or won't commit to plans, and has to flake last minute (I am so sorry, Kel). Boone has caused me to slow down. This book fell into my hands at a perfect time. I live alone. I do not have a job. I go to class and then my days are free. This schedule has had me twitching since I got here because I have never had so much spare time. Maybe Netflix isn't the best way to invest my 7 hours of free time. Maybe? Slowing my life down is making me see things more clearly and I like it. I'm rambling now so I just want to share this one thing. If you have not, will not, or do not care about ever reading this book, I am going to sum it up right here:
- Love God most, but love your neighbor as yourself. This is everything.
- If we say we love God, then why don't we care for the poor?
- This earth is God's and everything in it. Why don't we live like we believe this?
- What we treasure reveals what we love.
- Money and stuff have the power to ruin us.
- Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God. This is what is required.
That is straight from the conclusion of Jen's book. Solid. It has hit me hard. No matter what you believe, these are great things to think about. Less is more. What can we do for others when we simplify our lives and just get rid of all of the extra junk we have laying around? We have SO much. Think about it.
This is my last post about 7, but these ideas plus biblical foundation are changing my life. A friend gave me a new book yesterday and I am excited to continue broadening the endless (though dusty) chambers of my mind. I figure it's better than watching another episode of Greek on Netflix.
Thanks for reading. No matter where you are or what you're going through, just pause. These things are temporary. There is so much more to life than the weight you are feeling right now. All things pass and life goes through seasons, it's what you chose to do with those seasons. Help is all around you.
Slow down and breathe.
Monday, September 16, 2013
7
I have a confession...but first, let me explain.
So, why eat only seven foods for an entire month? For me, I do not truly know hunger. I have never worried about when my next meal will come, because I just know that it will. I am so incredibly blessed by this, though I have never realized it. I wanted to try this fast for that exact reason. When hunger hits and I just want snack food, or I am just plain sick of my seven foods, I pray. I pray for everyone who does not have access to food and is going to bed with an empty belly. Though my options are limited, I have an unlimited supply of these seven foods I have chosen. How fortunate am I?
Additionally, I like to think about how Jesus fasted for 40 whole days and ate nothing. Nothing. People, I can't even comprehend this. I could not go a a whole day without eating. But hey, I'm also not Jesus (obviously). Jesus made himself empty, which is what I want to do. Less of me and more of Him. Sometimes (by sometimes I mean most of the time), I am just too into myself and what I want and what I need to notice Jesus. I desire to die to myself daily and to allow the Holy Spirit to move through me by making myself empty.
Luke 4:2 says, "He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry."
Well, here comes my confession. For seven days I ate nothing but avocado, black beans, eggs, bread, spinach, sweet potato, and almond milk. Yesterday after church I was feeling very excited about the day of rest, and accomplished that I had made it seven days into my fast successfully. After a beautiful hike at Linville Falls with some friends, I was feeling...lustful for something sweet. So without thinking twice, I got in my car, drove to Sweet Frog, purchased a $4.50 cup of Reese's Peanut Butter frozen yogurt topped with frosted animal crackers, fudge brownie bites, more Reese's (no shame), and whipped cream. Excessive? Maybe. But I actually do not feel bad. Nothing has ever tasted so delicious to me in my whole entire life. I was GRATEFUL for that frozen yogurt, let me tell you. It made me think about how often I eat delicious foods and I never give it a second thought. This is a luxury that many do not get to indulge in. So I made a decision, on the seventh day of each week I will rest from my fast. I am 25% done and I can do this.
I am so insignificant next to Jesus, but yesterday showed me that my fast is accomplishing what I want it to. I am so grateful. This morning I am back at it. I had a piece of whole wheat toast and half of an avocado. Happy Monday, friends. Think of how much you have to be thankful for. It will melt away whatever stress you may be feeling right now, guaranteed.
Stay awesome.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Post-Grad Life
In May I graduated from James Madison University and made the move to good ol' Boone, North Carolina to attend (dun, dun, dun): Grad school. Yikes.
Things I have learned about post-grad life:
- I need my dad on a daily basis to kill the bugs in my apartment
- Plumbing problems are a serious issue and they suck (or don't suck...)
- Not having a dishwasher is time consuming and it wrecks my nails
- I have a lot of random expenses
- Making new friends is approached like a new relationship: Don't be too needy
- I am lonely
The last point is my biggest. I am very lonely. This is my first time living alone away from my friends, my family, and my boyfriend. My friends have moved to places like Boulder, Tampa, and D.C. None of which are remotely close to me. I can't seem to kick this feeling that I will never find friends like the ones I made at JMU.
THANKFULLY, this isn't true of course. While I am lonely, this is only a temporary stage in my life. A small, two year, temporary stage of me seeking a higher level of education. I started roughly four-ish weeks ago and I already can't wait for it be over. Life comes in stages and you do with it what you can.
I have sat in this apartment feeling sorry for myself for the past 36 hours. Then I went and biked 17 miles and now I am sore and have a fresh state of mind. I am not alone. I am never alone. 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman reminded me of this. Then I got home, made some chai tea, Skyped with my sister, and I am feeling thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity to go to school, to eat, to sleep in a comfy bed, to have people who love me (even though they are far away), and for an awesome savior who always comforts me, especially when I'm feeling lonely.
Heads up post-grads. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
P.S. Here is my super awesome new mug and my hot, comforting chai tea for this chilly day:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)