Where is the Love?

I recently added "Where is the Love?" by The Black Eyed Peas to one of my gym playlists.  I think the lyrics are pretty valuable for such a secular group of musicians.  The lyrics are so simple, but I seriously get so pumped listening to this song.  My personal favorite part:

Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
Or would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?

Though this song speaks very generally about love, I struggle to exude Christ's love every single day.  Kyle and I are working on making ourselves more available to our friends, but it is so easy to let selfish feelings override.  It seems like I am constantly wishing that I could have responded to a situation in a more loving manner.  Love can be such a hard thing.

Today I was particularly questioning where the love was.  My USA Today news application was swimming with ISIS articles.  As I read an article about ISIS burning human beings alive and harvesting organs to fund their schemes, I just wanted to cry.  I proceeded to scroll through my Facebook feed where I read a status that spoke truth, though could easily come across as condemnation to nonbelievers.  It made me sad to see 55+ comments arguing about God's truth...even though I think the opposite reaction was the intention.  As I scrolled past this saddening debate, I saw an article a friend posted about rethinking the doctrine of Hell due to ISIS torture schemes.  

All this has me feeling heavy hearted and sad.  None of this feels like love and it all seems like a giant question.  As I was reading all of the comments on the particular Facebook status I saw, I thought about how Jesus feels about all of these comments.  I thought about how detrimental social media can be, and is, to the mission.  I'm not sure Jesus had social media in mind when He called us to go and make disciples, though it does have some awesome positive sides, like blogs and online sermons :)  When love is the underlying message of God's immense, never ending love for us, how is this properly displayed through social media?  It's a difficult, blurry line that often leaves me feeling sad.  We live in a world where we are taught to be proud, independent thinking beings.  We fight for our thought development and when we enter arguments, we usually intend to fight to win them.  How can we show God's love with this method?  Force feeding scripture down other's throats just doesn't seem like the right way.

Additionally, if you read the above linked article I referenced, I would love to hear your thoughts about it.  It afflicts me that the torture caused by ISIS would cause an article that brings question to God's word.  It has me thinking and I am very open to hearing input about this, but in the end I have to come back to scripture.  God is very clear in scripture that hell is separation from Him, and that is bad.  I mean that is really, really bad.  Kyle and I are doing a bible study with two other married couples on the book of Exodus right now.  It is so amazing to see how God's hand is in every single action that takes place throughout this book and it all is leading to us; We are all God's ultimate purpose.  I can't fathom a world with no God.  Francis Chan brings up an awesome point in one of his interviews on his book, "Erasing Hell".  I think this article from above is questioning how can we serve a loving, just God that chooses to throw those who do not follow Him into a pit of fire.  I struggle with this myself, but Chan (as usual) brings up a humbling point.  When I question God's actions, I am putting Him in submission to me and weighing what He would do versus what I would do in that situation.  How can I do that?  His mercy and His justice are perfect, far more perfect than my own.  God is all knowing and His plan is perfect.  I can't fathom his perfectness or why He does what He does because He's God.  His plan is always going to be better than mine and yours.  We need to become uninterested in being right, and become interested in seeking the truth.  

I don't know friends, I'm feeling heavy hearted.  All this social media craziness and the weight of what Hell really is is all so wild to think about.  It's the eternal destiny of real people.  When you stop to think about how temporary this life is and think about what will happen when you blink your eyes and this is all gone, what will become of you?  I don't think we have this conversation enough.  I want to challenge you to think about it.  What do you believe?

By this point, I am feeling thankful that these silly little things on Facebook have led me to this point.  Kyle and I are going to begin a Hell study after we finish our current Francis Chan book.  Francis is such a genuine, humble man and he writes off of God's truth, not his interpreted version of the truth.  If you're looking for an awesome book, try one of his.  It will challenge you to no end, I promise.    

Praying for hope and justice today.  Stay warm, friends.  

"Hold on all you who wait by the blue shores for Him to to part the water. Desert Father, show us a new way." 

- Josh Garrels, Desert Father   

Why Do I Flee From You?

It's been a long time!  I am at home enjoying a snow day and a day off work.  If nothing else, all this snow helps me to slow down and enjoy down time.

Lately I have been so stressed with hoping and praying my thesis will be done in time to graduate (why am I doing a thesis?) , getting a job here in Boone (or somewhere close), and making plans for our new townhouse (YAY!! We move in May).  I notice myself obsessing over these things.  My stomach churns and I worry, "what if..." In my down time, I have started relentlessly pouring over every possible page on the internet for jobs that I can apply to.  It's starting to make me crazy.

Through all of this, I have been totally neglecting my personal time with Jesus.  I sit here day after day and stress about what I will do and where will our money come from, and I truly feel that I have this under control and I will figure this out.  I have ignored every conviction that I have had to give this burden up and to trust that the Lord will provide for Kyle and I.  Even writing this I am finding it difficult.

Every day I want to speak with you. And every day something more important
calls for my attention—the drugstore, the beauty products, the luggage
I need to buy for the trip.
Even now I can hardly sit here
among the falling piles of paper and clothing, the garbage trucks outside
already screeching and banging.
The mystics say you are as close as my own breath.
Why do I flee from you?
My days and nights pour through me like complaints
and become a story I forgot to tell.
Help me. Even as I write these words I am planning
to rise from the chair as soon as I finish this sentence.

-Marie Howe

This is one of my favorite poems in the world.  I have never been able to relate to a piece of literature more than this one.  After Kyle left for work this morning, I knew I wanted to spend quiet time with Jesus, but my pull to the internet to start scanning for jobs started to overpower me.  I closed my computer, opened my bible, and prayed.  I prayed for all of the things I wanted and needed help with, and then I remembered something Kyle said the other day.  We were furniture shopping for new kitchen chairs and he said, "Jame, I don't want us to ever forget how much we have to be thankful for.  We are always seeking something new and then we just forget about what we already have."  I thought about this as I was praying and I just sat and gave thanks.  Even though the dollars in our bank account may be low, we have a roof over our heads, a fully stocked fridge, and a full tank of kerosene to keep us warm from this awful weather.  

I am so very thankful, though I still feel that worry and fear about "what if..."  Sometimes I feel like I am so much more disciplined with my physical health than I am with my spiritual health.  

"Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.  The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance." - 1 Timothy 4:7-9

Spiritual discipline is a process.  Kyle and I have created a new prayer and devotions life as a couple, but my own personal spiritual discipline is in need of some training.  Here's to your prayer lives, friends.  Doubt, worry, and fear are such strong, overpowering feelings, but they are no match for the peace that I find in the presence of my savior.  

"In him is life, and that life was the light of all people.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." - John 1:4-5

Here's to seeking the light...now time to shovel the driveway.

It's Been FOREVER

Back to the ol' blog.  It's been waaay too long.

Life is super busy these days.  We are only 70 days away from tying the knot (thank goodness), Kyle is student teaching 40 hours a week, and I am midway through my 3rd semester of graduate school (can this be over puh-leeeease?).

Though life may be crazy right now, Kyle and I are learning so much.  We are knee-deep in pre-marital counseling, and to be honest, we were kind of dreading it and what kind of skeletons from the past that it may bring up.  Wrong.  So wrong.  We are absolutely loving it.  We're doing Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey with our pastor who will be marrying us.  I really was not prepared for how much Kyle and I would grow through this book, or how much we would learn about God's true desire for marriage.  My entire perspective has largely been changed.

First, I am finding myself in awe of the fact that God created marriage to reflect his deep, unconditional love for us.  Our marriages should be a reflection of this deep love....Um what.  It's like I knew this, but studying Genesis more and God's creation of man and woman has totally floored me.  It is helped me to accept Kyle when I'm annoyed, or when I desperately want to embrace my selfish desire to be angry about the things that I can't control.  My grace and love has to be deep for Kyle in the way that Jesus' is for me.  Keeping that perspective has been beautiful and Kyle and I have experienced immense spiritual growth from this outlook.  It isn't like loving each other is ever hard, but we know that in future days to come it likely will be at times.  Love is unconditional and it's forever.  We are so anxious to be rid of "goodbyes" and weekend visits.

Second, we have learned that marriage is not intended to be 50/50, it is a 100/100 policy.  50/50 implies that if Kyle does his part and I do mine, then we will meet each other halfway.  I am just realizing how destined this plan is for failure.  We are selfish people and this fails to account for the fact that many times Kyle and I will not do our part to bring each other halfway.  100/100 calls for me to unconditionally love Kyle, through the good and the bad, and to receive him with continual acceptance.  When I remember that he is God's provision for me, it makes it a lot easier for me to love him through the storms.

My desire is that we will continue to soak up everything that we are learning.  We are preparing for marriage in ways that I never though pre-marital counseling would prepare us.  I kind of just thought we'd check the box and then seal the deal with this "pre-requisite" behind us.  I mean, yesterday we did a 50 question discussion on our marriage expectations on everything from which family members we would buy christmas/birthday/anniversary gifts for and how much we would spend, to sex during menstrual cycle (too much? Sorry).  It was challenging, but having a vague idea about the things we haven't even thought twice about has been really fun and eye-opening.  Obviously we can't know the answer to most of the challenges that marriage holds for us, but we can attempt to have an idea of how we will tackle them when we get there.

We are anxious, and the closer we get to December 13th, the more anxious we become.  Goodbyes and "See ya next weekend," are getting harder.  Worry is starting to creep in.  We need prayer that Kyle can find a job here in Boone, because we will literally starve if he does not...hehe :)  No, but really.  My graduate assistantship will not cut it for the two of us.  Today we poured through job openings in the school systems and the application process will begin this week.  Prayers would be awesome.  We are reeeeally trying to trust in the fact that God has it covered.  He will provide as He sees fit.  This is super easy to say, but slightly harder to believe.  We have let ourselves become aware that our stress (and my incessant need to constantly stalk the Watauga job board) is due to the fact that we are not completely sure that God will provide.  Fear is starting to creep in, but I know there is no reason to panic...yet.  He has continually provided for me, and us, yet I am still so hesitant to trust Him at times.  My selfish desire for control and the need to know that my earthly future holds a job for Kyle, and eventually me, really takes control sometimes.  I am daily working on less of me and more of Him, but some days the struggle is more real than others.  This is one of those times.

Anyways, we seriously can't wait until 12/13/14.  Snow storm or not (hopefully not...please, please, please), we are tying the knot and doing this marriage thing.  God is preparing our hearts for the biggest commitment that we will ever make, and we are absolutely not taking it lightly.

My blog posts will likely not become more consistent from here on out, just to be honest.  We will see some of you in 70 days.  Even though I started counting down in April, we're on the home stretch, baby.  Let the real countdown begin!        

NOT According to Plan

This summer has been...strange, to say the very least.  The past 48 hours have been completely unanticipated and I have received such an immense amount of prayer and texts, so thank you.  You guys have so much love in your hearts and I am so thankful.  For all of you that I did not get to tell the full story to, here's my saga:

Kyle and I have been looking forward to the Liverpool game in Charlotte ALL SUMMER.  The tickets were a birthday gift from his parents.  I got up Saturday morning, the day of the game, and went to the gym with my trainer/friend.  We pushed it pretty hard that morning, and when I got home we were in a bit of a rush to head to Charlotte.  I did some protein with almond milk and that was about it.  We were meeting close, close friends for lunch who had just moved back to the east coast from Boulder, Colorado.  For lunch we ate homemade hummus with pita and fresh veggies.  I hadn't drank a lot of water because we were travelling and I didn't want to have to pee.  After lunch I was still hungry and thirsty, but I still didn't give my body what it really needed.  We drove into Charlotte to tailgate with friends before the game.  I was dehydrated and hungry, and the peanuts, chips and salsa, and couple of beers that I had probably didn't completely help the situation.  We were having a BLAST.  We hopped on a golf cart to take us to the stadium to catch the game.  Our seats were on the top level and we walked/danced/skipped up all five floors of the stadium.  When we got to the top, two of our friends needed to use the bathroom so Kyle and I stopped to wait.  I could see the field.  We were so excited.  Everything started to go black like it does when I stand up.  I usually just hold on to the counter top until it goes away, but I had nothing to grab.  I remember trying to reach for Kyle but he was just out of reach.

Then things went south.

I woke up to five million people around me talking loudly and holding me down, which about jolted me out of my skin.  I wanted to move, get up, and figure out where Kyle was.  The fireman who was holding me told me that I went down and he had done CPR on me because he couldn't feel a pulse.  He kept calling it cardiac arrest, but my doctors were skeptical.  I was transported immediately to Carolinas Medical Center.  Doctors did an EKG, blood work, brain CT, and chest x-ray.  All things checked out normal.  The fact that I couldn't remember this 240 pound man administering CPR was worrisome to the doctors, so they kept me overnight.  I had an echocardiogram the next morning, which also came back normal.  Crazy, crazy stuff.  I am home now (in VA) and have some upcoming appointments with a cardiologist and a neurologist.

First off, I am so incredibly blessed by the friendships and awesome relationships in my life.  Sam and Bruce stopped everything in the stadium, put their heads together and prayed for me.  I am so thankful for prayer.  Kyle has stayed by my side for the past 72 hours, diligently praying when I am fearful and helping me to stay positive.  Emily and Erik came to the hospital at 1:30 am and brought fresh clothes and food for Kyle and I.  They moved Kyle's car to the hospital and Em peeled off my skinny jeans that I had peed my pants in.  That. is. love.  Seriously.  Sam even gave me a foot massage after I had been wearing Toms all day long.  Serious love.  Additionally, my dad had just left Boone that morning and turned right around and met me and Kyle at the hospital in Charlotte at 4 am.  When I got home, my mom had bought me new pajamas, new underwear, everything that I would need to feel comfortable.  I came straight from Charlotte, so I have absolutely NOTHING.  Cassie straight up washed my hair when I couldn't raise my arms above my head in the shower.  Lena and Dave have made access to follow-up doctor appointments so much easier.  My dear friend, Laura, brought a bag full of clothes straight from her closet so that I would have something to wear, including 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being running shoes.  I love that girl.  She keeps me well dressed when times are tough.  Crystal, my trainer and dear friend, is sending me a modified light workout so that I can stay on my game and not lose all of my gains.  On top of all of this physical love, I have had so many texts and phone calls reminding me how much I am truly loved.  I am so thankful for all of you, truly.

Most of all, I am so thankful for God's sovereignty.  He continues to stand by my side, even when I don't want Him too.  I am thankful that he continually provides for me and gives me life.  I know that this heart is not my own, but sometimes I want it to be.  Even when I push Him away and neglect Him, He always pulls me back.  I am so thankful to serve a God like that.

Because I don't know exactly what happened to me, or if my heart actually did stop beating (docs don't think it did), I am just feeling so very fortunate.  My first thought was that I want to marry Kyle right this instant.  Humans are truly not very resilient beings.  We are fragile and our time here is so very short.  I really don't want to spend another second not being Kyle's wife.  Mom says I can't get married next weekend because she and Laura have already hand-stamped 200 burlap gift bags with "May 24th, 2015."  I see where she's coming from :)

I truly need prayer for fearfulness.  I am afraid that it will happen again and I know God doesn't want me to live a life of fear.  I need to feel peace and to 100% lean on Him and pull from His strength.  My favorite scripture ever is Psalm 91.  I am clinging to this today.

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation.”

There is so much peace in this passage.  Living in fear is pointless, though easier said than done.  I am so thankful for all of you.  I hope this post finds you all healthy and well.  Give a hug to those you love and give thanks for life and peace.

I love you guys.

Jamie

The Power of the Playlist

This summer has been awesome.  I have enjoyed every part of it, but today exceeded the awesome level.  Prepare for an incredibly happy post.

One of my dearest friends is spending the summer in Montreat.  Conflicting schedules and sucky cell phone service have kept us mostly out of touch for the past two months, minus some texting back and forth.  I did some research and discovered a little place called Spruce Pine, about 35 miles outside of Boone and 45 miles outside of Montreat...AKA the perfect halfway point for us to meet up.  We picked a little place called The Tropical Grill.  My expectations for some tiny caribbean restaurant located in Spruce Pine, North Carolina were low, to say the very least.  Man...I was So. Wrong.  If you live in Boone, you totally need to take a little trip to downtown Spruce Pine.  It was amazing and absolutely overflowing with local character!  I will likely be back this weekend.  Much exploring needs to be done.  

Cafe de leche, mango salsa, a killer outdoor seating area, and Caroline made for a totally awesome night of reunion.  

My drive home was equally epic.  Kyle has always told me that I am super empathetic about song lyrics.  Some people like to read really sad books and cry about them, I like to listen to music lyrics and pretend I wrote them and sometimes cry about it.  Just kidding.  I don't always cry, but it absolutely dictates my feelings if I'm alone and completely focused on the music...that's why I'm the playlist queen.  I have roughly 315 playlists on my Google Music account and things are about to get real.  The playlist is a very powerful tool and should be chosen very wisely.  Check it out:

Before I left Spruce Pine, I chose my "Summer Tiiiiiiime" playlist.  Seemed appropriate, right?  The sun was just starting to set and lighting was getting to that pinkish-yellow point.  I put my windows down and Desert Father carried me down 194.  This song is beautiful and you absolutely must listen, because Josh Garrels is actually the jam.  Not kidding.  The High Country is absolutely beautiful.  The combination of this song and the sunset just made me smile and thank God for life.  I am so fortunate to live here, surrounded by beauty and endless places to just go.  Boone is truly the melting pot of so many breathtaking surrounding towns.  I am clearly singing a different tune than I was this past winter.  I even think I could live here.  Who am I?

As I was thinking about how grateful I am for life, Usher was killing it with his rendition of You'll Be In My Heart.  Guys...this is a beautiful, beautiful song.  I started thinking about how easy it is to walk with Jesus when everything is going well...when things get hard I tend to want to fix them myself and I tend to block out my one true provider.  I was thinking about how I almost always think I have cancer, or some other disease, and how I was just so incredibly thankful for that very moment, no matter what.  My prayer is that no matter what, I will always be thankful and recognize that my plan may not always be the right one.

If you know me, you know that Christina Aguilera is one of my favorite people on this earth.  I pre-ordered her last album (Lotus)...which came out in 2012 so...still in that stage of my life.  One of her most beautiful songs, in my opinion, is Bound to You, which she sang in Burlesque (awesome movie, by the way).  I always tell Kyle this is my brain aneurysm song.  I will belt this song, and I mean belt.  I literally feels like I am going to burst into a million pieces when I sing this song...you should totally try it.  Totally liberating experience.

Just as I was making my left onto 105 with 13 miles separating me from Boone, Shake Me Like a Monkey came on.  Ahhhhhh....this song.  Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds live at Las Vegas, too good.  I thought about my dear friend, Martha, and the Dave shows we've been to.  I remembered the first time I heard him perform this song live in Virginia Beach and I thought about how careless we use to be.  Martha and I have shared many good times and now hold many memories thanks to ol' Dave.  Now we have such different lives, and that's okay.  Life goes that way and you work a little harder to make new memories.  I'm excited for new memories and future Dave shows to come.

Once I got closer to Boone and was passing through the Foscoe area, it was pretty much completely dark.  A tiny gas station was lit up from the glow of a singular lamp post and I saw a parked pick-up truck.  A couple was sitting in the bed with their legs dangling over the tailgate.  Sara Evans, and myself, were belting out Slow Me Down  and I felt a pang of grief in my stomach for that couple.  Slow Me Down is one of those songs that I have literally cried to.  I was thinking about why they were sitting in that parking lot and why they appeared to be having a very serious conversation.  I imagined that they were having one of those awful talks that can define the new precinct of the relationship.  It can make you or break you, but most of the time it breaks you.  I imagined all of those awful times where my heart was broken into a million pieces and I was sad for them, but grateful that I have moved past the boundaries of being "unsure" of my relationships.  Then I decided that maybe they were just having really awesome conversation and wanted to stay parked in that parking lot.  I thought about how I would never do that because I would be "recreating" or caught loitering.  Then I was jealous that they probably weren't worried about what anyone was thinking about them sitting in that parking lot all alone under that street lamp. 

My strange day dream about the mysterious parking lot couple disappeared when Angus and Julia Stone took it away with The Devil's Tears.  This song has a special place in my heart.  This is one of the first songs that came on my Iron and Wine Pandora station that I noticed was a song that Kyle frequently played on his guitar.  It's one of my favorites that he plays.  When I miss him the most, I lay down, put my head phones in, close my eyes and let this song flood my ears.  It sounds just the same as when he's here, but not quite as awesome.  This song always takes me to instahappy and instafeels.  

Just as I hit Boone, my ultimate Boone jam flooded my speakers: Hanging On.  Ellie Goulding.  My girl.  I decided long ago that this is easily one of her most beautiful, thought provoking songs.  Ellie Goulding has a way of making me feel incredibly hype-happy and then sad-strange at the same time, kind of like the Weeknd, but this song especially.  It's so epic.  The build-up is out of this world and I tend to think about it in the same way I think about the lyrics, naturally.  I think sometimes it's easier to keep the waters calm in relationships, even when we don't want to.  Once the build-up happens it leads to an explosion.  Truly unhealthy, but I think it's an amazing artistic touch that this song is able to portray that so well.

Anyways, if you're into music, maybe I have enlightened you in some way.  It was just one of those nights where I just felt like I needed to write about it.  I'm feeling incredibly thankful and I hope this post finds you the same way.  

It's the little things, like the power of the playlist. 

Happy summer, friends.  Enjoy it and don't let it get away from you.

     

Call it Propaganda...

Controversial content ahead.  Please, keep reading :)

Readers, for those of you who personally know me, you know that our country's food production system is one of my favorite, most passionate topics to discuss.  When I first became a vegetarian, and then vegan my sophomore year of college, I didn't consider myself an animal right's activist.  I chose to eat the way I did because it was more sustainable and healthier for our planet than choosing to consume animal meats, which takes roughly 13 pounds of grain to get 1 pound of animal meat to your table.

I recently saw this video and if you have 6 minutes, which if you're reading this then I know that you do, please watch this short clip:

Maybe you can watch this and it doesn't change your mind about the production of meat at all.  If that is the case, I want to ask you how?  Maybe you think this is propaganda, as many choose to take this stance when videos or books come out regarding animal slaughter, but how long can we keep turning our cheek the other way and calling it that?  I am aware that PETA sells the propaganda pretty hard, but do your own research friends.  I truly feel that this is more serious than we want to think, I mean come on, I'm writing a blog post about it (joke), but seriously.

Here's how I see it... Lemme break it down.

We, as a nation, have very little regard about where the foods come from that we stock our fridges with, feed our children, purchase at restaurants, and put into our own mouths.  We just don't care.  We've created this complete dissociation with the foods we eat, especially our animal products, and where they actually came from.  We're detached and emotionally uninvested in the nourishment of our bodies.

Allow me to further elaborate on this idea of dissociation with our foods.  Classic example:

Many people watched Black Fish and signed Sea World petitions and straight up mourned with these whales.  I'm not attacking you, I was one of them.  But there has to be that connection to the rest of our systems, especially the meat production system.  We can cry, and cry, and cry as we hate on Sea World and how they contain these killer whales in these tanks that are comparable to the size of a bath tub for a fish of that size, but yet, we don't connect the dots.  You can probably pay something like 99 cents to get some chicken from McDonald's that was never granted the liberty to stand on it's own two feet due to growth hormone injection and rapid increases in muscle size.  Thanks to growth hormone, we can produce full size chickens in somewhere around 25 days so that we can keep feeding our hungry, hungry, underweight country (lol -_-).  McDonald's can't sell their food that cheap for no reason, my friends.

Further, our country is quite frankly facing a healthcare crisis.  Our demand and need for healthcare is so dang high, but yet we care very little for our bodies.  It's too much work.  It's expensive.  We're very uneducated.  I mean, really.  Care and know what you are putting into your mouth.  If it has more than 5 ingredients and you can't pronounce most of the words, I'd probably put it down.  Help your body, friends.  I don't care how old you are, the decisions you make now will absolutely effect your future health. 

I truly feel like there is a solution in making our food production and purchasing system more localized.  This would solve environmental issues by creating a more sustainable way to purchase the foods we want, as well as helping to boost the local economy.

I understand that local, humanely raised, hormone-free meats are expensive, and that's why many people don't buy them, myself included.  Because I can't afford those types of meats is why I choose to continue eating a plant-based diet.  I don't think I want to raise our children vegetarian, nor do I want to remain completely vegetarian, but I just can't afford to buy the kind of meats that I am willing to put in my body, or the bodies of my future children.

I really hope this impacts you in some way.  I want to challenge you to take one day a week, maybe Meatless Monday, to not eat animal meat.  It's so incredibly easy.  And please, friends, don't eat fast food.  It's not food.  I don't consider myself to be a judgmental vegetarian by any means, I just want our country to stop giving into this demand for these quick, chemically enhanced solutions that has been labeled as "food."  Work a little harder and spend a little more money on the right foods.  Better yet, start your own garden or support the local farmer's market.  If you have the means for it, raise and butcher your own meat.  Use your noggins, you smart, able people, you.

*Stepping down from my soapbox now.*

Thanks for reading, friends.  I hope this blog post finds you healthy and well.  If you're interested in reading an awesome book about both sides of animal consumption, check out Jon Safran Foer's Eating Animals.  You can buy it here, or you can borrow my copy.

"Let food by thy medicine, and medicine thy food." 
                                                                                                                             -Hippocrates  

My Take on Marriage

Netflix and I are really in a strange stage of our relationship right now.

I am a tv person.  I have watched pretty much every season of every show worth watching on Netflix...seriously.  I have actually watched all seven seasons of Desperate Housewives three times.  No shame.  I am so not a movie person, but I have been doing this weird thing where I am watching movies instead of tv.  Kyle barely recognizes me.  It's crazy.

Over the past three days I have watched the following: 

I Give it a Year
The Lifeguard
Friends with Kids
Drinking Buddies

Pretty impressive, I know.  I'm really not picky about tv or movies at all.  I can pretty much invest in whatever, but ideally, I dig a good dramatic, rom com.  All of the above movies fit this criteria because Netflix knows me better than most people and told me that I would like these movies.

I seriously enjoyed watching these films, and I can remember the plot of almost all of them, which is crazy because I can forget the title of a movie I watched 10 minutes ago...so weird.  But, every single one of these movies left me feeling strange...and kinda sad.  Keep in mind I don't sit and watch tv all day, I swear.  I do things like, go to Taco Tuesday at Boone Saloon, power walk 13 minute miles with my friend Amber, cook, read, you know, other things.  I know the reading part is what caused me feeling weird about these movies.

As I have mentioned before, I am currently reading Tim Keller's book, The Meaning of Marriage.  I said it once and I will say it again, READ THIS BOOK.  Single, engaged, divorced, married, whatever.  Read it.  I recognize that I am a 23-year-old that has not been married, though will be soon (yay!), but I think I have some insight on the subject.  Stick with me.

First, I have a serious problem with the way Hollywood portrays love, kids, and especially marriage.  Every single one of the above movies portrayed marriage as lacking excitement or being boring, not to mention when kids are added into the mix it's game over.  You can kiss all romance and fun goodbye.  This sucks.  I won't lie, watching these movies scared me about kids slightly.  I'm no dummy.  I know kids are tough and life changes drastically, but let's be honest.  Kids were not designed to be destructive to marriage.  They just weren't!  That makes no sense!  Such a beautiful, intense, biologically perfect process of creating a tiny human being that is the perfect combination of both you and your spouse should cause our marriages to grow.  So why doesn't it?  Why does Hollywood have the idea that marriages are not forever and that kids complicate things? 

I think we have become a selfish people.  We are looking to our spouse for ultimate completion and happiness.  I mean that's just insane.  It is impossible to get that kind of return from your spouse.  Impossible.  I truly believe that.  Those who aren't yet married, or are looking to get out of their marriages, have incredibly high hopes of that perfect chemistry, or the ultimate soul mate.  Maybe it was once there, and now it's not.  I think we have incredibly high expectations for finding someone who will take us just as we are and there are no demands for us to change.  We don't want to make sacrifices.  That's just how it is.  It's selfish.  We want everything from a spouse, while wanting to put very little effort into making changes to ourselves.  It just can't work.

Check it out:

Ephesians 5:21-33

²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

People get BENT OUT OF SHAPE, and I mean BENT, at the word, "submit."  But wait!  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  Whoa.  As Christ loved the church?  That's so much love, friends.  That's so much selflessness.  I think some of our marriages today are lacking this idea of selflessness.  Marriage was designed to be the perfect reflection of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.  He died for us.  Marriage is a natural thing for humans to be drawn to.  We want a partner to do life with, to have children with, to help bear the burden when times are tough.  Times will be tough.  Guaranteed.  It is work.  It is a full time job that requires maintenance and upkeep.  If you neglect putting gas in your car, it's not going to run.  Duh.  Sacrificing our wants and needs for our spouse is what we're called to do.  I mean, really.

Tim Keller gives a great example in his book that I can totally relate to, and maybe you can too.

Tim and his wife go on vacation with their tiny kids to the town where they both attended seminary.  Tim had really been hoping that he would be able to sneak away for a few hours to go to a bookstore he really loved and get some new books.  He knew it would be inconvenient to his wife, so he never mentioned it, though he hoped that she would say, "Hey honey, I know you love that bookstore.  Why don't you go check it out and I can handle things here with the kids."  That never happened and Tim silently stewed and developed bitterness towards his wife.  He had decided in his head that she knew that he wanted to go to that bookstore, but was just being spiteful and wouldn't let him go.  At the end of the day, Tim mentioned how much he would have liked to go to that bookstore.  His wife replied by telling him he should have spoken up.  He serves her on a daily basis by helping around the house and helping with the kids and she doesn't get a ton of opportunities to serve him.  She felt like he robbed her of the ability to give her a chance to serve her husband.

What a tiny, tiny, small, miniscule, situation this is, but holy cow I can so relate.  Sometimes I just want Kyle to read my mind.  That's just not fair.  I have failed with the selfless card multiple times the past couple of weeks in our relationship.  I was upset when Kyle told me he got a job in Staunton this summer.  Seriously, Jamie?  We have been praying, and praying, and praying for God to provide a job for Kyle this summer and he got one!  Thank goodness.  He was so excited to tell me and I responded with sadness.  I actually cried and it broke Kyle's heart.  I mean that seriously sucked.  I could have handled that situation 3,000 times better than I did.  Fail.  Second, Kyle was going to come visit me in Boone this weekend.  His car broke down on the way  and he was super bummed and I was annoyed that I had to drive to Radford.  I mean...really?

Thankfully, Kyle and I both have apologetic hearts.  I just tend to be the one that is more vocal about exactly what I feel before I think about the repercussions that it might have on Kyle's feelings.  I recognize that I can only have a selflessness attitude in our relationship with the help of Jesus.  He paid the ultimate price for me, and I can give a lot in my relationship with Kyle.  I have nothing but room to give, that just isn't the choice I always make.

I'm excited for marriage.  I really can't wait.  I know there will be highs and lows, but I also know that growth comes from trying times.  I can vouch for that.  A lifetime is a long time, but I seriously can't wait to do life with him.

Thanks for sticking with me.  Maybe you think I'm naive.  I think I have one of the best partners to do life with and he is totally my person.  Marriage is such a blessing.  I don't know why Hollywood has decided to portray marriage in this light, but it must be a result of what we are doing as a whole.

It's gotta change.

We're not perfect, obviously.  I think sometimes my readers think that I'm too hard on myself.  I provide my own personal experiences in hopes that you can relate.  Life is tough, but you learn and trust that God has prepared you for the very season you are in right this second.  Many of my readers are infinitely more seasoned than me to the trials of life.  So much respect for all of you.   

Thanks for reading, friends.  You guys rock.