Life is super busy these days. We are only 70 days away from tying the knot (thank goodness), Kyle is student teaching 40 hours a week, and I am midway through my 3rd semester of graduate school (can this be over puh-leeeease?).
Though life may be crazy right now, Kyle and I are learning so much. We are knee-deep in pre-marital counseling, and to be honest, we were kind of dreading it and what kind of skeletons from the past that it may bring up. Wrong. So wrong. We are absolutely loving it. We're doing Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey with our pastor who will be marrying us. I really was not prepared for how much Kyle and I would grow through this book, or how much we would learn about God's true desire for marriage. My entire perspective has largely been changed.
First, I am finding myself in awe of the fact that God created marriage to reflect his deep, unconditional love for us. Our marriages should be a reflection of this deep love....Um what. It's like I knew this, but studying Genesis more and God's creation of man and woman has totally floored me. It is helped me to accept Kyle when I'm annoyed, or when I desperately want to embrace my selfish desire to be angry about the things that I can't control. My grace and love has to be deep for Kyle in the way that Jesus' is for me. Keeping that perspective has been beautiful and Kyle and I have experienced immense spiritual growth from this outlook. It isn't like loving each other is ever hard, but we know that in future days to come it likely will be at times. Love is unconditional and it's forever. We are so anxious to be rid of "goodbyes" and weekend visits.
Second, we have learned that marriage is not intended to be 50/50, it is a 100/100 policy. 50/50 implies that if Kyle does his part and I do mine, then we will meet each other halfway. I am just realizing how destined this plan is for failure. We are selfish people and this fails to account for the fact that many times Kyle and I will not do our part to bring each other halfway. 100/100 calls for me to unconditionally love Kyle, through the good and the bad, and to receive him with continual acceptance. When I remember that he is God's provision for me, it makes it a lot easier for me to love him through the storms.
My desire is that we will continue to soak up everything that we are learning. We are preparing for marriage in ways that I never though pre-marital counseling would prepare us. I kind of just thought we'd check the box and then seal the deal with this "pre-requisite" behind us. I mean, yesterday we did a 50 question discussion on our marriage expectations on everything from which family members we would buy christmas/birthday/anniversary gifts for and how much we would spend, to sex during menstrual cycle (too much? Sorry). It was challenging, but having a vague idea about the things we haven't even thought twice about has been really fun and eye-opening. Obviously we can't know the answer to most of the challenges that marriage holds for us, but we can attempt to have an idea of how we will tackle them when we get there.
We are anxious, and the closer we get to December 13th, the more anxious we become. Goodbyes and "See ya next weekend," are getting harder. Worry is starting to creep in. We need prayer that Kyle can find a job here in Boone, because we will literally starve if he does not...hehe :) No, but really. My graduate assistantship will not cut it for the two of us. Today we poured through job openings in the school systems and the application process will begin this week. Prayers would be awesome. We are reeeeally trying to trust in the fact that God has it covered. He will provide as He sees fit. This is super easy to say, but slightly harder to believe. We have let ourselves become aware that our stress (and my incessant need to constantly stalk the Watauga job board) is due to the fact that we are not completely sure that God will provide. Fear is starting to creep in, but I know there is no reason to panic...yet. He has continually provided for me, and us, yet I am still so hesitant to trust Him at times. My selfish desire for control and the need to know that my earthly future holds a job for Kyle, and eventually me, really takes control sometimes. I am daily working on less of me and more of Him, but some days the struggle is more real than others. This is one of those times.
Anyways, we seriously can't wait until 12/13/14. Snow storm or not (hopefully not...please, please, please), we are tying the knot and doing this marriage thing. God is preparing our hearts for the biggest commitment that we will ever make, and we are absolutely not taking it lightly.
My blog posts will likely not become more consistent from here on out, just to be honest. We will see some of you in 70 days. Even though I started counting down in April, we're on the home stretch, baby. Let the real countdown begin!
