Kyle and I have been looking forward to the Liverpool game in Charlotte ALL SUMMER. The tickets were a birthday gift from his parents. I got up Saturday morning, the day of the game, and went to the gym with my trainer/friend. We pushed it pretty hard that morning, and when I got home we were in a bit of a rush to head to Charlotte. I did some protein with almond milk and that was about it. We were meeting close, close friends for lunch who had just moved back to the east coast from Boulder, Colorado. For lunch we ate homemade hummus with pita and fresh veggies. I hadn't drank a lot of water because we were travelling and I didn't want to have to pee. After lunch I was still hungry and thirsty, but I still didn't give my body what it really needed. We drove into Charlotte to tailgate with friends before the game. I was dehydrated and hungry, and the peanuts, chips and salsa, and couple of beers that I had probably didn't completely help the situation. We were having a BLAST. We hopped on a golf cart to take us to the stadium to catch the game. Our seats were on the top level and we walked/danced/skipped up all five floors of the stadium. When we got to the top, two of our friends needed to use the bathroom so Kyle and I stopped to wait. I could see the field. We were so excited. Everything started to go black like it does when I stand up. I usually just hold on to the counter top until it goes away, but I had nothing to grab. I remember trying to reach for Kyle but he was just out of reach.
Then things went south.
I woke up to five million people around me talking loudly and holding me down, which about jolted me out of my skin. I wanted to move, get up, and figure out where Kyle was. The fireman who was holding me told me that I went down and he had done CPR on me because he couldn't feel a pulse. He kept calling it cardiac arrest, but my doctors were skeptical. I was transported immediately to Carolinas Medical Center. Doctors did an EKG, blood work, brain CT, and chest x-ray. All things checked out normal. The fact that I couldn't remember this 240 pound man administering CPR was worrisome to the doctors, so they kept me overnight. I had an echocardiogram the next morning, which also came back normal. Crazy, crazy stuff. I am home now (in VA) and have some upcoming appointments with a cardiologist and a neurologist.
First off, I am so incredibly blessed by the friendships and awesome relationships in my life. Sam and Bruce stopped everything in the stadium, put their heads together and prayed for me. I am so thankful for prayer. Kyle has stayed by my side for the past 72 hours, diligently praying when I am fearful and helping me to stay positive. Emily and Erik came to the hospital at 1:30 am and brought fresh clothes and food for Kyle and I. They moved Kyle's car to the hospital and Em peeled off my skinny jeans that I had peed my pants in. That. is. love. Seriously. Sam even gave me a foot massage after I had been wearing Toms all day long. Serious love. Additionally, my dad had just left Boone that morning and turned right around and met me and Kyle at the hospital in Charlotte at 4 am. When I got home, my mom had bought me new pajamas, new underwear, everything that I would need to feel comfortable. I came straight from Charlotte, so I have absolutely NOTHING. Cassie straight up washed my hair when I couldn't raise my arms above my head in the shower. Lena and Dave have made access to follow-up doctor appointments so much easier. My dear friend, Laura, brought a bag full of clothes straight from her closet so that I would have something to wear, including 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being running shoes. I love that girl. She keeps me well dressed when times are tough. Crystal, my trainer and dear friend, is sending me a modified light workout so that I can stay on my game and not lose all of my gains. On top of all of this physical love, I have had so many texts and phone calls reminding me how much I am truly loved. I am so thankful for all of you, truly.
Most of all, I am so thankful for God's sovereignty. He continues to stand by my side, even when I don't want Him too. I am thankful that he continually provides for me and gives me life. I know that this heart is not my own, but sometimes I want it to be. Even when I push Him away and neglect Him, He always pulls me back. I am so thankful to serve a God like that.
Because I don't know exactly what happened to me, or if my heart actually did stop beating (docs don't think it did), I am just feeling so very fortunate. My first thought was that I want to marry Kyle right this instant. Humans are truly not very resilient beings. We are fragile and our time here is so very short. I really don't want to spend another second not being Kyle's wife. Mom says I can't get married next weekend because she and Laura have already hand-stamped 200 burlap gift bags with "May 24th, 2015." I see where she's coming from :)
I truly need prayer for fearfulness. I am afraid that it will happen again and I know God doesn't want me to live a life of fear. I need to feel peace and to 100% lean on Him and pull from His strength. My favorite scripture ever is Psalm 91. I am clinging to this today.
Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
There is so much peace in this passage. Living in fear is pointless, though easier said than done. I am so thankful for all of you. I hope this post finds you all healthy and well. Give a hug to those you love and give thanks for life and peace.
I love you guys.
Jamie
