With that being said, I feel like I have a lot of expectations for myself this summer. I don't have school (sorta), I'm only working 15 hours a week, and....yeah. That's about it. I got to spend some time at home in VA for about 20 days, which was awesome. I was pretty lazy. Laid around my house, drank some craft beer, and hung out with the family and future hubs. I told Kyle that when I got back to Boone I was going to do more things, like:
- Use my awesome new bread maker
- Make more homemade things (like food)
- Paint/journal more
- Keep up with my blog
- Deep clean my house
- Be crafty
- Visit friends and family
- Go on more weekend trips
- Read more books
So...Day 2 in Boone and SHOCKER, I'm blogging. It feels like the most productive thing I've done, but maybe that's because I have a thesis proposal due date looming over my head. Pfft...It's summer. I'll do it tomorrow...or the day after that.
Many of you moms, or other people who read my blog, are going to laugh at what I'm about to say: I feel like I lead a super busy life during the school year and I am really thankful for this time to sit around and do nothing. I mean really. Now that I am working and doing grad school, Monday through Friday I am gone from 7 am to 6 pm. WAHHHHHH feel bad for me! Sometimes when I am walking home from school after a long day I think about what it would be like if I were going home to a family that I had to feed and take care of. I honestly don't know how moms do it. *Shout out to you people, you rock.* Anyways, during those busy times I miss doing the things I love, like painting, writing, reading, or doing whatever the heck I want. At the end of the day it's usually just easier to get on my computer and waste some time before bed.
Well, this summer I WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT. I have vowed to not let my computer dictate my free time. Blog, hold me accountable puh-lease. I have spent a lot of time talking with Kyle, friends, and family about how we end up leading lives we don't really want to lead. We work 60 hour work weeks to make a bunch of money and come home to our loved ones exhausted. Life is so incredibly short and I have such a hard time seeing that role for myself. I think about how much I love Kyle and how much I will one day love our future kids and I don't want to be tired and cranky when I get home from work every day. I don't know...I really struggle with this Americanized work and family relationship that has become the norm for so many of us. Call me a crazy idealist, but I just can't get over it. It seems so dumb.
I went on a walk with a friend this weekend who really inspired me. I always love catching up with her, as we have really developed some of the same interests over the past year. She has such a desire to be a minimalist, to love, and to share the gospel. How cool is that?! What if we all desired those things? I really find myself slipping into a cycle of laziness and with it I stress about the future and where Kyle and I will work and how we will afford to live. I don't want to let laziness and worldly ideals run my life.
So pretty much I have determined that that's what it all comes down to:
Laziness.I chose to lay in my bed on my computer for countless hours watching Netflix, stalking places I may one day want to go, or craigslist apartments that I will never rent, but still like to look at it. It's so easy to sit behind my computer and pass the time. I mean it really involves zero work or thought process. I'm pretty into that, but I want to be less into that. I scroll through instagram and look at the hard work some of my friends put into making their meals every single day, and I'm like, "Shoot, I'm going to Chipotle." That part I can be okay with. I truly find absolute zero joy in cooking, unless I'm cooking with someone, but props to you people that are into it. Laziness is killing my creative drive. I need to be writing more, I need to read, and I need to paint. These things keep my mind fresh, and I need that. It all just seems like so much work right now and I am lacking motivation. Getting all my paints out means cleaning all my paints up. Making homemade hummus means a butt ton of dishes that I will have to wash afterwards. *Jesus, I pray that our future home has a dishwasher. Amen.*
If you've stuck with me this long, thank you. Maybe you're feeling the same. I feel like laziness and the struggle with screen time is pretty real for my generation. I don't think it's crazy, but I do think it takes some will power from me to get up and go do it, rather than thinking about doing it.
Here's to summer time, folks. Let's tear it up and live it out for all it's worth.
Keep me motivated, friends! Expect some productive posts in the near future.
Now get off the computer and go hang out with your people.
