But They'll Only Buy Booze...

It's 11:06 pm and while I am incredibly excited, I am writing this post with a heavy heart.  I feel encouraged and enlightened, yet I am terrified.  I am ready to jump out of the boat and into the sea, yet it feels as if I am bound by a million ropes holding me back.  Fear is consuming me, yet my heart is willing.  Let me elaborate.

My entire blog has been based off of my convictions and I have written as the Spirit has been moving in me.  I never force a post.  I have never sat at my computer, opened up my blog, and decided I needed to write a post because it has been a while and I am losing readers.  Never.  Yet the second my thoughts become too heavy, or I notice myself pushing my convictions away, I can see my entire post laid out in my mind, paragraph by paragraph.  I hope my rambles have made sense to you and you have a found a way to apply them to your own lives.  I just wanted you guys to know that.  Anyways, no matter who you are, what you believe, or where you live, this one is about to hit home.  I mean it.

I have noticed the Spirit stirring a new season in my life for about the past four months...actually well beyond that, it's just been impossible to ignore as of recently.  If you read my blog, you know I struggle with materialism in more ways than one.  I am sickened by the consumption of our nation, including myself.  Tonight HGTV was doing a segment on decorating the White House for Christmas and I was so sad.  The dollars upon dollars that are poured into this showcase and then a TV show covers it, while I am sure a homeless man is sleeping under a tree only a stones throw from the iron fence that surrounds the house's premises.  I am deeply, deeply saddened by this, yet I do nothing.  My heart yearns to help, though I do not.  I am greedy and obsessed with the cycle of upward motion in the ladder of life.  I can feel myself being broken of this and I am so glad.  The question is...how?

So coming in second place next to Netflix ( I kid, guys), I totally love Jen Hatmaker.  She is so incredibly real.  I love it.  I feel like religion can often cause us to embrace a set of rules while Jesus waits for us in the background, always waiting.  Jefferon Bethke says it best in this video (which is seriously awesome):  Churches have turned into a museum for the good people, rather than a hospital for the broken.  I have been so turned off by religious people in my past, and I imagine many of you have been, as well.  After I learned about the ignition of the fire set by Jesus Christ, my entire life changed and continues to change every single day.  I can see this fire through Jen's words and I love it.  Coincidently, I am currently reading Jen's book, Interrupted, and it is TOTALLY INTERRUPTING my life.  The story is about God's interruption in her life and the turmoil that ensued.  Her call to "feed the lambs" became quite real, and I can feel that desire within myself.

So begins this: Justice for the poor.  

Yes.

If you live in the valley, have ever gotten off 81 headed into Staunton, Virginia, or really have ever seen a homeless person, then this applies to you.

I am so incredibly aware of everything I have and how much I have and am willing to give away, yet every single time I see these men I am skeptical.  I could give them money, but....they'll probably buy booze or drugs, or they won't really appreciate it.  So I just won't.  In fact, I'll just drive past them and forget them in about 15 seconds.  UGH!  You can relate right?  Or maybe you can't, in which case I commend you.  So listen to this:

"This is what God taught me through Judas at Jesus' table, eating the broken bread that was His body: We don't get to opt out of living on mission because we might not be appreciated.  We're not allowed to neglect the oppressed because we have reservations about their discernment.  We cannot deny love because it might be despised or misunderstood.  We can't withhold social relief because we're not convinced it will be perfectly managed.  Must we be wise?  Absolutely.  But doing nothing is a blatant sin of omission.  Turning a blind eye to the bottom on the grounds of "unworthiness" is the antithesis to Jesus' entire mission......Jesus came to the foulest, filthiest place possible (Earth), full of ungrateful, self-destructive people who would betray Him far more than they'd love Him (a whole planet of Judases).  He broke His body for rich people who would curse Him the second their prosperity was endangered (that's us).  He poured His blood out for those who would take His Word and use it as a bludgeoning tool.  He became the offering for people who would slander His name with ferocity, yet His grace was theirs for the asking until they drew their last breaths, even if all they could offer Him was a lifetime of hatred and repentance." -Jen Hatmaker

...Whoa.

Proverbs 29:7 says, "The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern."

Yes, those with nothing (and those with everything) will take advantage of you, they will let you down, and some of them will be ungrateful, but more will accept your graciousness than turn it away.  This is crazy, guys.  This is Jesus.  Straight up Jesus, the most beautiful, selfless human being to ever exist, yet he was rejected, just like the homeless man standing on the corner of 81 and 250.  Rejected.  Outcast.  Judged by those with everything, yet denied the right of discernment.

Set religion aside and embrace Jesus like he has embraced us, the scum of the earth.  To help others is to become broken, just as He was for us.  I want to help, but I am afraid of where it may take me.  Away from my family?  Away from my things?  Away from the United States?

Be open to letting the Spirit move.  Don't shut Him out or ignore that stirring within your gut.

Embrace the actions of Jesus, and shed the robes of religion.
More of Him, less of me.

My prayer is that my spirit, as well as yours, will be more deeply afflicted than ever the next time I think, "But they'll only buy booze..."

And lastly, I leave you with a quote from Robert. Kennedy.  I often make peace with myself when I do not act as I want to against areas that I am passionate about, such as social justice or food justice.  I sometimes lie to myself and make myself believe that my one action alone is incapable to making any type of dent on the misery that is clouding our nation.  If you ever feel like this, check it out:

"Let no one be discouraged by the belief there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills - against misery and ignorance, injustice and violence...Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation...It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped.  Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance." -Robert F. Kennedy        

Satisfaction with Life Scale

Recently, my ability to over think the smallest of situations went into overdrive, but in a good way.  I was working on a stats exam yesterday afternoon and one of the questions made me really upset, a little angry, and then just sad.  It was the Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS) created by Ed Diener, Robert Emmons, Randy Larson, and Sharon Griffin.  Why this was on my stats exam, I'm not sure, but if you haven't heard of it, check it out:

Below are five statements that you may agree or disagree with.  Using the 1-7 scale below, indicate your agreement with each item by placing the appropriate number on the line preceding that item.  Please be open and honest in your responding.

• 7 - Strongly agree
• 6 - Agree
• 5 - Slightly agree
• 4 - Neither agree nor disagree
• 3 - Slightly disagree
• 2 - Disagree
• 1 - Strongly disagree

1.  In most ways, my life is close to ideal.

2.  The conditions of my life are excellent.

3.  I am satisfied with my life.

4.  So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.

5.  If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.  

Add your answers up and see where you fall:

• 31-35 Extremely satisfied
• 26-30 Satisfied
• 21-25 Slightly satisfied
• 20 Neutral
• 15-19 Slightly dissatisfied
• 10-14 Dissatisfied
• 5-9 Extremely dissatisfied

This. Survey. Is. Annoying.  

That's it.  My stomach was churning over this dumb thing, like I was really angry about this.  Side note:  I am an incredibly emotional, anxiety-ridden, short-fused person.  When I start to feel things, like my stomach churning with rage, I have to stop and really boil down why I feel that way.  So I did.

As I read each question, I didn't know how to respond with anything less than a 7.  I mean I am an over thinker, and that's what happened here without a doubt, but in this instance I was thankful.  How could I say that the conditions of my life are anything less than excellent?  I was sitting in the App State computer lab looking at a 27-inch monitor in a warm room, and when I was done, I was going to walk back to my warm, furnished apartment and make a delicious meal with all of the ingredients in my fridge, and then I was going to lay in my huge, comfy bed and watch Netflix on my Mac.  Privilege.  This question deserved nothing less than a 7.  When asked if my life was close to ideal, or if I was satisfied with my life, I had to think long and hard.  I put 7's for these questions, as well.  How can I not be satisfied?

Satisfaction:  

a.  The fulfillment or gratification of a desire, need, or appetite.       

b.  Pleasure or contentment derived from such gratification.

c.  A source or means of gratification.

I'd say that satisfaction comes from the conditions of my life, which are above and beyond what I could ever need.  If you do not feel satisfied, write about it.  Pray about it.  Make a list.  You will find a way to feel satisfaction, guaranteed.  I started to think about what satisfaction must mean to those in places where they are being persecuted for what they believe, and those who fall asleep hungry or cold, those who have been forced into human trafficking, and those who are completely alone,without hope, and without any resources to provide help.  I was thinking about how they would answer these questions.  Here in the US, I feel immense financial pressure.  Satisfaction stems from money.  Wrong.  I was thinking about how I would feel if my survey were compared to someone from some third world country and how I would feel if they had put all 7's on their survey and I had put anything less.  After I quickly ran through this scenario in my mind, my questions received all 7's.  

One particular question really got me:  So far I have gotten the important things I want in life...Um.  If you read my blog, you know I struggle with want and material desire.  I think a lot of the pressure that we feel comes from this idea of want.  We want so many things that we can never truly be satisfied.  We are trying to fill a hole that can't be filled by all of the things that we want.  

I have learned something huge since I moved to Boone:  it isn't about what I want.  My whole life I have prayed for things like, "God, please keep us safe on this car ride.  God, please help me make it through grad school.  God, please keep me and my loved ones healthy and safe.  God, please don't let this happen or God, please don't let that happen."  I have a new prayer.  My prayer is that God will work how He sees best fit, which ultimately He will.  It may not be what I want, and the results may be devastating, but I have to be okay with that.  He knows what is best for me and I take great comfort in that.  When I realize all of these things, I can feel the pressure melt away.  It will never be about what I want, and thank God, really.  I am only human and relying on myself, or anyone else, or material needs will always leave me wanting.  I'm tired of wanting.  I am deeply satisfied with the conditions of my life and the comfort that I find through Jesus Christ.        

Overriding selfishness and self desire takes work.  I mean constant work.  It goes against human nature and it is HARD.  I'm a firm believer that self-reflection is crucial.  I recognize that maybe my thought process was a little different from others when taking this survey, but I think it's necessary.  

Readers, I hope you feel comfort and I hope you feel satisfaction.  Sometimes we get clouded by all of the things that are going on in our lives, I know.  Sift through the fog of worry, doubt, and fear and recognize all that we have.  Forgive those who are hurting you and it will set you free.  Look past everything that is weighing you down and realize the immense satisfaction that you have been blessed with.  Lying underneath of it all is hope and new found joy in the simple things.  

Now go make a sandwich or order some takeout.  It's lunchtime and I'm hungry, so I'm going to eat because I can.  Here's to 7's all around, people.

Romans 15:13

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."